We arrived about 6am in the morning. Upon arrival the reception area was staffed by a young guy in shorts- yes just shorts and a smile. His English was better than my Turkish so fair play to him. He stated that there was no room for us and we would have to wait. Whilst waiting we noticed a guy asleep on a sofa in the reception area. We were told it was the porter who had had a little too much to drink and was sleeping it off. Nice.
We were eventually shown a family room as a temp. measure. This was OK but very basic. Wakefield Prison has a higher star rating. We asked when we would be moved to our room but they did not know- maybe 9am maybe 2pm. Because we did not want to fall asleep and be disturbed we decided to stay up (we had been awake all night due to the flight etc). Breakfast was shortly served and to be honest i have seen better meals on wheels. The food is below basic and you can have it warm at extra cost if you want. The food was cold on three attempts at the same dish. Even the owner (who was standing next to me in the queue) checked his food and his was also stone cold. They then wanted to microwave it whilst leaving the salad on the plate.
Eventually we were shown a room which was very small and had an en suite with it although this was very small with a combined shower/ sink/ toilet arrangement which meant everything got wet when the shower was on. In fact you could sit on the toilet, shower and brush your teeth all at the same time if you wanted to.
The staff running the bar are OK but the management are 'unique'. It is the first time I have seen a manager in ill fitting shorts and a vest as the standard dress for his job. He actually found it amusing to jump in the pool and state that he was having a wash- the bad thing is I really do think this was how he WAS getting a wash. He is loud and initially very helpful as long as you want to spend money. If your idea of fun is sitting at the bar drinking till 5am listening to his poor jokes and crass antics then you will do well. The basic rule is which ever group shouts the loudest for a type of music or entertainment then that is what will rule. In our unfortunate time there this was in the form of very loud R&B music for 20 hours a day (including explicit swearing in the lyrics whilst children were around). Yes I do mean 20 hours a day- 9am to 5am. A particular group thought they were in heaven with this and made it their business to ensure this music was played all the time. Age groups in the hotel were from young couples to retired couples and families. I have yet to find a retired couple getting on down with their arthritis to P Diddy or who ever is the latest R&B demi god.
The food- was it food? Sweet every day was warm melon slices so I hope you like melon or usually live in a zoo because there is nothing else. The chunks are that big you would think they had a resident hippo to feed.
Starter is soup. One evening my soup was luminous in colour and we just could not make it out at all. To be fair the bread was fresh (ish) so you can survive on this.
The main courses are open cold buffet (the flies love it) and some kind of luke warm/ cold concoction which we played 'I'll name that food in 4' with. Chips were available but interestingly cheese was not. We noticed that a girl had grated cheese on her pasta- ooh cheese we thought. You cannot have cheese as it was especially done for a vegi and you have to be vegi to have the cheese (John Cleese eat your heart out). Eventually we gave up on the food as it was just humiliating to try it and went out most nights. It was that bad even Joseph Stalin would have been ashamed to serve it in a Ghulag prison.
Other interesting options were staying alive or injury free. A hot plate was used as a toaster which was conveniently placed on a table about 2 foot off the ground- just right for a toddler or young child to grab hold of or stick their hands on, wire flexes were taped together or just twisted together, the pool drain around the pool had gaps in just right for breaking your ankles and a large pumping hose ran across the outside dining area which a child tripped over . DON'T take white/ cream towels as they will claim them as theirs. We had ours taken away from the pool area as you cannot use their towels. We then spent 30 minutes pointing out BHS labels but this still took some doing.
On the last day we were there, two engineers came and removed a tank cover from the patio area floor. This was amongst dining tables (which I was using). They removed the pipe (which the boy tripped over) and inserted another pipe to pump the tank out. The pipe was covered in dark sludge -I don't know what it was but it was on the floor and around the dining tables and I was still eating. we decided at that point that the place was not fit for use and started looking for another hotel.
Bar prices are not excessive but more than other hotels and bars. A beer is 5TL where many other hotels and bars are 3.5TL/ 4TL. Watch out for the 'happy hour' where cocktails are 2 for 1. Yes they are but the second one has no alcohol in (they don't tell you that and hope you are that plastered that you do not notice). I asked for WiFI connection- 10TL, Air conditioning 10tL A NIGHT ( thats £30 a week), safety box 5tl a day. If they can make money out of you then they are your friends...... please note that all this can be free if you are a single female group and the manager can show you his speedboat- lucky you.
Eventually we had had enough and found an apartment in the resort at another hotel and stayed there for the last three nights which was peaceful and bliss.
You can read this and say ' sour grapes' which os OK by me. You may be lucky and love being awake till 5am and they play your music very load and you like very poor food and don't mind sharing the pool with the staff's hygiene routine or you may not. If you go and have a good time then get it on here because I would love to know how you did it.
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- Also Known As:
- Balkaya Hotel Fethiye