I stayed at agama for 2 months last spring. I found myself being elated to finally 'have arrived' and felt blessed to gain such a level of knowledge about tantric yoga. I participated in the tantra workshop and met my lover there. I had a wonderful time. Muktananda seemed personally interested in me and I could'nt believe this, i felt flattered and confused.
I had some issues I needed to speak about so I went to Maha, then to Swami and then to Muktananda.
I had a serious issue and fell betrayed that swami looked at me like a was a piece of flesh disguised as a hot shakti that he could help heal. He didnt want to listen to me, he kept repeating that I needed sex 3 hours a day since I am Scorpio, that would heal men . Ofcourse he offered himself. He saw the look on my face and told me not to be prude, surely the sex in my life has been meaningless, but this kind is pure, since it is consecrated to shiva. I wanted to get back to the subject of my visit, but he would't have it. If I didnt want him, there where many other tantric men on the island who would be thriled to have a shakti like me..He hugged me and said all it took was 20 sec to know if you want a man inside you or not. I left angry and confused, and yes emotionally raped.
I heard the talk before, I heard about all the relationships breaking, I heart about the condemnation of monogamous couples and many yogis interfering in their ways by trying to seduce one of them, and plainly telling them 'this is not the way'. ( what Is the way ?)
Ofcourse when you are a spiritual searcher, by the time you get to the island, you are tired, like me. You sooooo need someone you can trust, who has the answer to your inner demons and a cure for your suffering. And they offer all that, and you are happy to accept. I do love the school's teachings, I am in awe for their extensive knowledge on the subject. But somewhere they srtayed. They honestly believe they are helping people getting rid of the pollution in their brains by church and society about monogamy by promoting sleeping around.( surely you see the mess and the tears it creates) They say they are sex counselors, and they had sex with thousands of women, all unprotected.
I had a talk to Muktananda about this, he is a grand speaker, very convincing. He nearly convinced me to leave my lover, see other men, set my lover free to be with other women, surely I was jealous if I didn't do it, he told me so. And how would I grow spiritually, how would I end my suffering if I stayed possessive towards my lover and not grant him another shakti? That was all I needed, I dont want to be a worthless woman So I went to see him the week after, and I left, I didnt sleep with him. And it was the best decision I ever made to turn these tantric clowns down. For some this is great, and just what they are looking for, but most females who end up in their ( and other) beds, will not feel so good as soon as they leave this island.
The position they have as teachers makes them get away with this. They highly insulted my intelligence. Sure, it has been nice to wear sexy clothes and to be transfigured into a goddess. But it is my power, not anyone else to take. When You feel you are being manipulated, good chance it is true. Be careful of yourself when you go out there, for it may not be what it seems.
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