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“Flesh Pot”
Review of Astoria Hotel

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Astoria Hotel
Ranked #381 of 561 Hotels in Dubai
Reviewed December 30, 2011

I had 3 days to spend in Dubai before being able to fly home from Afghanistan. I'd read about all the Islamic rules about not being able to hold hands with your wife in public, or kissing her on the cheek, so the infestation of hookers at the hotel was a bit of a shock. I was feeling ill the first night and couldn't sleep. The thump, thump, thump of the disco on the 1st floor, I was on the 4th, didn't help, but I'm already used to incoming rocket attacks so it wasn't too bad. Anyway, I hadn't had a stiff drink (still didn't since the hotel's drinks were watered-down) for 7 months, so I thought I'd get a drink at the hotel bar (TGIT) on the ground floor. Well before I could get my drink order in, this Asian woman (admittedly pretty) was instantly at my side. I looked and immediately knew why she was there, and it wasn't because of my boyish good looks. I ignored her... with her ample breasts displayed like a Peacock. A venerable sea of wobbly flesh. I received my watery screwdriver and walked around with the hooker sticking to me like a heat-seeking missle. I couldn't shake her. I found a single seat and planted myself there. She just leaned-in with that smile stuck to her face. I said, "Look, I'm not feeling well and just came down for a drink to help me sleep. I don't want any company." She said OK and left. But that wasn't the end of it. Within a minute another hooker, not quite as pretty as the last, came and offered her services. I sent her away, and along comes another! It was like they sent in the A-Team, the B-Team, C-Team, and then they sent the D-Team! This hooker looked straight out of a WWII propaganda cartoon, complete with crazy buck-teeth and coke-bottom glasses! And she was mean! She said, "Bar closed now! Why you come here and not take girl!?" I was mad at this point, I told her I wasn't feeling well, thought I'd have a drink, and "Is that alright with you?!" She said, Oh, you stay this hotel? So sorry."
So the hotel is alright for the money, and very centrally located. The staff is friendly, and the Indian Resturant is very nice. The included breakfast is nice too. They even offered to make me eggs and bacon when they only had Indian food out for breakfast. I recommend staying here if you're on a budget, but stay away from the bar and night club if you don't want a hooker, and bring ear plugs if you're a light sleeper. If you're used to helicopters and C-130s and incoming rocket impacts, you'll be fine.

Room Tip: ask for a room on the 4th floor
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  • Stayed: December 2011, traveled solo
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7  Thank Star-time
This review is the subjective opinion of a TripAdvisor member and not of TripAdvisor LLC.
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144 - 150 of 191 reviews

Reviewed December 27, 2011

It was its location in meena bazaar in old Dubai that made us choose this hotel. Because it is quite old building, hence was devoid of latest amenities. The room service and house keeping were hopeless and even no toilet accessories was provided. But the breakfast buffet was a pleasure to see with great choice of veg and non veg cuisines in the menu.

  • Stayed: December 2011, traveled with friends
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1  Thank Sunil P
This review is the subjective opinion of a TripAdvisor member and not of TripAdvisor LLC.
Reviewed December 13, 2011

Its been there for many a years and has the same thrill to offer (no frills). A great location as everything is withing walking proximity. Rooms are nice and cosy. Food is average. Those who sleep early - better book the higher floors as the music from PANCHO the night club can keep your heart pounding till 3am. Staff is friendly and hygiene good.

Room Tip: For the early sleepers hit the higher floors or your awake till 3am!!
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  • Stayed: February 2011, traveled on business
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7  Thank apintolobo
This review is the subjective opinion of a TripAdvisor member and not of TripAdvisor LLC.
Reviewed November 29, 2011

its nice to stay at this hotel for business trip and singles. Location is perfect because its surrounded by shops and restaurents.

  • Stayed: November 2011, traveled with friends
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3  Thank Yousif B
This review is the subjective opinion of a TripAdvisor member and not of TripAdvisor LLC.
Reviewed November 2, 2011

worst experience ever!
there is a night club on the 1st floor of the hotel and every night until 2.30 am we couldnt sleep as the music was incredibly loud. when we found out the first night they gaves a new room (we were on the 3rd floor and they moved us to the 4th - top floor). the following night we still couldnt sleep and they were even kidding us saying "why are you complaining?the music is so nice!!". they were of course earning a lot of money from the night club so they didnt care about the guests who had already paid for the room.
so we didnt rest for all the holiday.
the hotel was also dirty, breakfast time, tables were not clean and they were filling plastic bottles of water pretending it was mineral, but was just tap water.
they also write on various websites that there is a swimming pool, which it is not true!!!!
AWFUL EXPERIENCE! DONT GO!!!!!

  • Stayed: October 2011, traveled as a couple
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3  Thank snowred
This review is the subjective opinion of a TripAdvisor member and not of TripAdvisor LLC.
Reviewed October 27, 2011

A neat, cultured hotel. Situated at prime location( very near to Bar-Dubai bus stand).
Rooms are clean. But room service needs some more professionalism.

Room Tip: Book hotel online for best rate, specially in times of vacations
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  • Stayed: September 2011, traveled with friends
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4  Thank Prasenjit M
This review is the subjective opinion of a TripAdvisor member and not of TripAdvisor LLC.
Reviewed September 24, 2011

I think in budget 3* this is the best you can get around in bur dubai with access to malls,creek,RTA,meena bazaar right in front.With in hotel bars which is a must for visitors in dubai as there are no wine shops outside.Rooms are good,plenty of families travelling.stayed for a week from 13 to 19 sept.Overall a good stay.

Room Tip: upgrade your room & you will enjoy your stay
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  • Stayed: September 2011, traveled on business
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2  Thank RAJESHKAMAT
This review is the subjective opinion of a TripAdvisor member and not of TripAdvisor LLC.
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Additional Information about Astoria Hotel

Address: Al Fahidi St | Al Souq; 26 Street, 17, Dubai 457, United Arab Emirates
Location: United Arab Emirates > Emirate of Dubai > Dubai > The Creek
Amenities:
Bar / Lounge Business Center with Internet Access Free High Speed Internet ( WiFi ) Free Parking Restaurant Room Service Shuttle Bus service Spa Suites Airport Transportation
Hotel Style:
#157 Business Hotel in Dubai
#162 Spa Hotel in Dubai
Price Range: $54 - $409 (Based on Average Rates for a Standard Room)
Hotel Class:3 star — Astoria Hotel 3*
Number of rooms: 95
Official Description (provided by the hotel):
Only a 2-minute walk from Dubai Creek, Astoria Hotel offers air-conditioned rooms and 4 restaurants. It is within 5 minutes' drive of Bur Juman Mall. Free private parking is available. The rooms at Astoria Hotel are equipped with a work desk and cable TV. Each has a mini-fridge and a private bathroom with a hairdryer. Ironing facilities are provided. Tex Mex cuisine and live entertainment can be enjoyed at the Pancho's Villa restaurant and night club. There is also an Indian eatery and an American-style restaurant with a 3-course menu. Astoria can organise shopping excursions to the local malls and souqs. Desert safaris and creek cruises can also be arranged. Dubai International Airport is 20 minutes' drive away. Bur Dubai is highly rated by guests for: history, hiking, excursions ... more   less 
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Also Known As:
Astoria Hotel Dubai

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