So I'll start off by saying that this is the first hammam I've ever been to, and that it was also one of the stranger experiences I've had to date. I started off in the lobby area with my husband, and then they separated us into different areas.
I walked around the corner of the building with a smaller female Asian tourist, who also did not speak any Turkish, and we found our way in. The lady running the women's area handed us a towel, a small paper bikini bottom and sandles, pointed us to the appropriate rooms, and said "change, sleep." So I changed, and laid down for a long period of time until I was thoroughly confused. There was obviously a language issue... finally I came out of the room, and was taken into the larger main area where I laid down on a hot slab, underneath an old dome with multi-colored glass windows to the sounds of dripping water from the surrounding ancient sinks.
I laid here for what seemed like a very long time, and I won't ruin the surprise with full details, but I was roughly scrubbed and man-handled by a large Turkish woman wearing purple underwear who communicated in gestures to get me to flip over or move to the sink. I similarly wasn't sure when it was time to leave. The answer, is, whenever you're ready. I think this is how it's supposed to go down. My husband says on the men's side, there were screams of pain.
But afterwards we felt very refreshed. These aren't criticisms - I think this is how a genuine hammam experience goes. In fact, if you want to be completely surprised yourself, don't read this! Enjoy the confusion, the rough-housing, the warmth, the bubbles, the ancient surroundings and the relaxing after-tea.

So, I wanted the "authentic" hammam experience in Turkey, and this one was near our hotel, and it's been around for 500 years, so it has to be good, right?

I knew this wasn't a spa. I knew this was a place where I was going to get cleaned up by an elderly turkish woman who didn't speak english. I knew I'd get a good story out of it. So, hey, I got exactly what I was expecting, and then some.

First, you go there and you pay in the men's section, and then another man leads you down a sketchy back alley and points towards a sketchy door. This is the women's section. A group of tired old bitties are sitting around inside looking bored. You walk in, and they hand you a microscopic "panty" piece and gesture towards a changeroom. Ok, so I put the panty on and take a towel. Then they lead you to the big marble room. Now, I had no idea what I was doing in this big marble room. I didn't know if I should sit in the corner, or lie down somewhere and enjoy the steam?

I chose to lie down on the marble slab, which was warm and toasty, and look up at the 500 year old ceiling and appreciate the history. But then after about 20 minutes, I thought I'd been forgotten about. Then some other women came in and started bathing themselves, and I was like, ohhhh that's what I'm supposed to be doing! So I did that some. Then lied down again. Then waited some more.

Finally, more women came in, some older turkish women. One of them grabbed a bra and walked over to me, and with her boobs mere inches from my face, gestured that she needed my help. I sat up and did up her bra. We're all ladies here, nothing wrong with boobs, right? Then she motioned for me to flip over. Ohhhhhhh, she's going to be giving me the massage? She goes to work, scrubbing me, getting all the dead skin off. It was a fantastic exfoliation, that's for sure. Then she soaped me up some more, cleaned me right up, and then took me to the side to wash my hair. At one point she patted my belly and said "Bebek?" And made a motion to mean she was asking if I had children. I told her no, I just like eating. And she started to mime to me that she had 5 children. It was really cute, if not slightly hilarious.

Then, after about half hour, it was over. I was clean, all my nooks and crannies had been scrubbed, and that cost me $150 Lira. Was it worth it? For the story alone, yes. Would I go again? Not to this one, I'd probably go to one of the more tourist friendly locales. But should you go here? Well, that depends on how much you value your dignity, vs how comfortable you are with nudity, vs how much you really want to have a laugh with your friends about it afterwards.