I've rated this as OK for one reason only - it cost me nothing. You can book with Britannia Hotels using Tesco Clubcard Deals & as I have ways of accumulating hundreds of pounds worth of deals each quarter, I look to "spend" them on short breaks.
I booked this hotel before looking at any reviews purely on the location. I now find it to be 56th out of 72 reviewed hotels. How did it get so high? Knowing Llandudno, the location can't be faulted - I presume it's that. I booked a "Premier" family room for 2 nights & this "cost" £275 for 2 nights B&B. Thank God this wasn't in cash - I would have slit my wrists if the family hadn't got to my throat first.
No parking at the hotel at all - disabled spaces on street that fill up quick when you look at the age/infirmity of the average guest. When the first notices you see on entering a hotel are "Guests are asked not to operate lift buttons with their walking sticks" & "Would guests please take care not to hit walls & paintwork with their mobility scooters", it kind of sets the tone.....
Room was on the 5th floor via 2 lifts & a winding walk. This gives you chance to experience the hospital green doors & peeling badly painted woodchip wallpaper. Into the "Premier" room - more woodchip, dark cheap furniture in a room with little natural light. Nice balcony with 2 green plastic garden chairs that were once clean & what looked like months of seagull feathers fluttered nicely in the breeze over the discarded fag ends. Feeling dirty, you enter the bathroom - large room, more woodchip freshly painted yellow. This used to be white as you can see the many paint splashes on the tiles. There's quite a fetching pattern of cigarette burns along the edge of the shelf over the toilet - ah happy days when you could have a fag while you shaved. Mouldy shower curtain but only along the bottom inch to be fair. Weeks worth of black slime round the bottom of the bath taps & under the wallmounted handrail.
Back into the bedroom - dirt inside (?) the drawers & hairballs in the corners on the floor. Perhaps their usual clientele can't see that well but even so.......Generous with the tea/coffee though.
Next day & down to breakfast. A "Premier" room allows you to sit in the outer area of the dining room with wide sea/resort views. A shame then that the windows were so filthy. I know it must be hard to keep seafacing windows clean but at least make an effort. No money is wasted in providing decent quality ingredients for the "recently cooked & then kept warm for ages under lights" breakfast - I know Tesco Value sausage & bread when I see them. I won't criticise the coffee though - I will be old & weak myself one day.
The economic apartheid is strictly enforced - God help any "Standard" people who nip in the "Premier" room to pick up a couple of tinned button mushrooms from the buffet - the friendly Polish waitress with the limp shoos them away pronto (she was the best thing in the hotel by far.....)
I could go on but whats the point? In all seriousness, if you stay here, treat it like camping. It's rough & ready, not terribly clean & you can survive it for a couple of nights if you are willing to rough it. There's a Happy Hour downstairs from 12 noon until 7.30pm - you could get drunk enough in that time to believe that you're staying in a Grand Hotel.
If you are crazy enough to pay cash, you can get the "Premier" room for £100 a night DB&B apparently - evening meal opens up the opportunity of "Creamed Leeks" - can't wait.............
- Official Description (provided by the hotel):
- The Grand Hotel Llandudno is a magnificent Victorian building and is a prominent feature to the wonderfully conserved and famous, Llandudno North Shore Promenade. ... more less
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- Also Known As:
- Grand Hotel Llandudno
- Grand Llandudno
- The Grand Hotel - Llandudno Wales