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“Tourist trap - avoid like the plague!” 1 of 5 bubbles
Review of Satellite Sports Cafe

Satellite Sports Cafe
Ranked #1,487 of 3,725 Restaurants in Amsterdam
Price range: $10 - $15
Cuisines: American, Bar, European, Pub
More restaurant details
Restaurant details
Good for: Bar scene, Families with children, Large groups, Dining on a budget
Dining options: Dinner, Lunch, Drinks, Brunch, Breakfast, Late Night, Free Wifi, Full Bar, Outdoor Seating, Seating, Serves Alcohol, Takeout, Television, Waitstaff
Neighborhood: Stadsdeel Zuid
London, United Kingdom
Level Contributor
12 reviews
12 restaurant reviews
common_n_restaurant_reviews_1bd8 3 helpful votes
“Tourist trap - avoid like the plague!”
1 of 5 bubbles Reviewed August 2, 2013

I was very reluctant to visit this establishment. The signs in front scream tourist trap - offers of unlimited spare ribs for €9,95 (surely it's more expensive at cost price!) and 10 shots of Jager for €10 signal one thing - that's to cram in as many tourists as possible, get them steaming drunk and feed them food that they'll have no memory eating never mind appreciating!

Despite my protests, everyone wanted to go. On arriving, the tables were dirty and the menus sticky. I protested one more time to leave but it was all in vain. I looked at the menu and found they did everything - red flag! How can a restaurant that does everything specialise in something and do it right when they have so many items to juggle?

Judging by the plates coming out, it was painfully obvious that a hotch potch of cheap ingredients were put together at overinflated prices. My friends then proceeded to order - one orders the Full English (he's American) and the other a French pancake. I have flatly refused to eat there and order a black coffee to keep the peace.

Ten minutes later, out come the plates. The Full English is entirely deep fried including the mushrooms! The bacon looked tired and was dripping in grease. The sausage didn't even qualify to be called a sausage due to its low meat content. Also, the bread was a cheap artifical white loaf which wasn't even toasted. The pancake wasn't a pancake - it was a foot long crepe with copious dollops of budget vanilla ice cream and whipped cream lathered all over it like shaving foam. Not good. The coffee was the "wisest" choice and even that wasn't without fault.

The ordeal was nearly over - we only had the bill left. Very expensive for the quality of ingredients. €11 for the Full English and €11 for the French pancake. I was charged €4 for a substandard cup of coffee. I was mad. There was an exceptional bakery 5 minutes from my hotel which served fantastic bread, cakes and pastries. I had eaten there the previous day for breakfast and got a freshly baked pastry and cup of coffee for under the €4 being charged for the coffee alone.

If you like to drink copious amounts of alcohol, watch sport and not care about the food you're putting into your body at extortionate prices, then this is the place for you.
If, on the other hand, you even remote care about your dining experience, then take my advice from the headline and avoid like the plague!

  • Visited August 2013
    • 1 of 5 bubbles
    • 1 of 5 bubbles
    • 2 of 5 bubbles
    • 1 of 5 bubbles
2 Thank Parhum C
This review is the subjective opinion of a TripAdvisor member and not of TripAdvisor LLC.
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817 reviews from our community

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Rating summary
Date | Rating
  • Danish first
  • Dutch first
  • English first
  • French first
  • German first
  • Greek first
  • Hebrew first
  • Italian first
  • Korean first
  • Norwegian first
  • Portuguese first
  • Russian first
  • Spanish first
  • Turkish first
  • Any
English first
Telford, United Kingdom
Level Contributor
10 reviews
4 restaurant reviews
common_n_restaurant_reviews_1bd8 5 helpful votes
“Reasonable food, great ribs!”
4 of 5 bubbles Reviewed July 28, 2013

This is the place to go if your hungry! The staff were attentive and the food as you might expect, good but not great, however their deal of 9.95 for all you can eat ribs is excellent. My husband and friends managed around 3 racks each and were defiantly fans of them. Drinks are a little pricey but as you might expect in a city.

Visited July 2013
Thank Emily M
This review is the subjective opinion of a TripAdvisor member and not of TripAdvisor LLC.
Aberdeen, United Kingdom
Level Contributor
74 reviews
40 restaurant reviews
common_n_restaurant_reviews_1bd8 39 helpful votes
1 of 5 bubbles Reviewed July 28, 2013

Went here for a cheap dinner with the last of our spending money for our holiday. We can't tell you about the food because we left before getting that far. We ordered food (taking ten minutes, the waitress couldn't use the computer). The waitress then said it was compulsory to order a over priced drink each and the tap water was charged. We had to awkwardly admit we were on a budget with our last few euros and chose to leave as they would not allow any customer to eat without having a drink.

  • Visited July 2013
    • 1 of 5 bubbles
    • 1 of 5 bubbles
    • 1 of 5 bubbles
    • 1 of 5 bubbles
2 Thank Peter W
This review is the subjective opinion of a TripAdvisor member and not of TripAdvisor LLC.
Canberra, Australia
Level Contributor
30 reviews
9 restaurant reviews
common_n_restaurant_reviews_1bd8 20 helpful votes
“OK for €9.95 unlimited ribs”
3 of 5 bubbles Reviewed July 28, 2013

My Aunties stumbled across this place and decided to take us out for dinner. I've read some of the reviews here that the staff are rude and I would have to agree, however, what do you expect when unlimited ribs are only €9.95? Our order came quick which was nice because they were playing really loud pop-techno tunes over the speakers and seating was really cramped. The girls aren't the friendliest but then again they do have to deal with loads of drunken people all night, drinks were expensive, we ordered sparkling water and we received a bottle of normal still water, which they charges us €4.95. I would recommend this place if you were with a group of mates and wanted a quick bite to eat before heading out.

Thank on_high_heels
This review is the subjective opinion of a TripAdvisor member and not of TripAdvisor LLC.
Level Contributor
48 reviews
25 restaurant reviews
common_n_restaurant_reviews_1bd8 11 helpful votes
“Don't bother”
1 of 5 bubbles Reviewed July 17, 2013 via mobile

Hideous & dirty, snotty staff, not cheap - 4.5 euros for a small diet coke, give it a miss and go somewhere nice to have a drink for the same price or less.

2 Thank Susieho
This review is the subjective opinion of an individual traveler and not of TripAdvisor LLC nor of its partners.

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