Let me get this straight, I wasn't expecting a Gordon Ramsay style meal from this place but then again I wasn't expecting what I got either! We arrived, a colleague and I, for a bite to eat after work, it was about 8:30 and moderately busy at best. Walked in and stood in the reception/holding area waiting for a table...and waiting...and waiting...and waiting, that said, maybe thats slightly unfair, we were spoken to 3 times within that 6 minutes by 3 different people who all told us that somebody would be with us shortly. Oddly they didnt seem busy themselves and were technically "with us" when they told us that someone would be "with us" shortly. So 8 minutes later we were given a table, it was in a conservatory style area of the restaurant and was sticky, had no napkins & no cutlery. Not a problem, Im sure they must have just cleaned the table and...oh hang on, the table was sticky, it hadnt been cleaned...so I took the self service option and took 2 sets of cutlery from the adjacent table. From the menu we chose differing starters and both went for the Monster Burger as a main. In all fairness starters were good, not too long to wait and were quite warm. Finished the starters and awaited our mains, which arrived about 10 minutes later....."2 monsters...and 2 burgers" was the opening gambit from the waitress, I'm assuming this was an attempt at humour, I think if it had been in a Cannon and Ball sketch from 19888 I'd have fallen about laughing. So all the comedy entertainment aside we are asked "can I get you anything else?"..."A set of cutlery or 2 would be good"...I now felt reassured by the "ok i'll get you some".....but panicked at the next comment of "someone will be with you in a minute"...hold on, youre with me now and I want a knife and fork not the theory of evolution explaining....so 5 minutes pass....im forkless....forked off I guess you could say. Then the moment arrives, like a phoenix from the flames 2 forks appear, along with knives, this is remarkable, I can only assume the same amazement was felt when man first put foot on the moon. By this time of course, we'd eaten the chips with our fingers to prevent them going cold and the monster burger, had gone cold. Did we get an apology for keeping us waiting? Did we get an explanation as to why it takes 5 1/2 minutes, in a restaurant, to locate 2 clean sets of cutlery....no....we get Jamie coming over at the end of our meal, to observe 2 uneaten burgers....now I'm assuming this is why he didnt ask "is everything ok", he knew what was potentially coming. I asked for the bill, oddly enough this arrived within seconds, mayne I should have asked for it at the same time as a table...or some cutlery. I thought I'd give Jamie an opportunity to try and rescue the atrocious service and at best dissapointing burgers..."tell me jamie" i said as Jamie put my card through the machine at the speed of sound..."who in here is or was responsible for coming over and asking me if everything is ok"..."oh im sorry, that SHOULD have been me".....at this point im caught between speechless and rage...."oh ok jamie"....surely hes about to ask me....isnt he? "Would you like another drink" wasnt exactly what I was expecting him to ask at this point. So, if youre in Cheltenham and fancy a bite to eat, maybe a burger, ribs or some sticky chicken and long waits, poor service, sticky tables, no cutlery and sitting in a conservatory is your kind of night out get yourself down here, you wont be dissapointed!
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