This was by far the WORST place I have ever stayed at in my entire life. I would of rather slept in a tent.
Let me begin with the arrival to the Whistling Turd. When you pull into a resort you can usually tell how your week will go by the looks of the outside....Well, there was a large, broken down grey cement wall with overgrown bushes and plastic flowers. There was no parking lot, it was just a dirt stop. The sign on the wall that they had hanging was run down and tacky, showing the backside of 3 girls in thongs...a nice picture for my kids to see.
When you get around the corner of the makeshift parking area...there is more dirt or mud. (depending upon if it was raining out) This small areas leads to the broken down sidewalk through which they called "beautiful jungle rainforest". This consists of overgrown bushes, hardly any flowers and more dirt.
The check in was ridiculous. No lobby, just a few Jamacian's deciding what room to put you in.
The room: Very old, run down. The beds were about 500 years old and yellow and brown. The rooms were so dark that you can't see any of your clothes. There are no dressers for your clothes. They only had two cabinets that resembled something you would see in a kitchen for your clothes. The lighting in the bathroom was dark. The water pressure was AWFUL and we did not have a hot shower the ENTIRE time we were there. I honestly didn't even feel clean after taking a shower. To get to the shower there was a ramp that you had to go down to get into it....very slippery and my daughter fell several times. There was only a screen on the bathroom window and no curtain, so bugs could enter at their desire. Anyone walking by can also get a free peep show. I witnessed a few employees snorting lines right outside our window.
BUGS: Let me tell you that I got bit every night by bugs. They must have been in the beds. One day my husband counted 17 bites! It was awful. I had to sleep with bug spray on every night and apply itch cream constantly.
We asked for an air-conditioned room. The entire week we had no air and they kept telling us they were fixing it.
This roach motel is located DIRECTLY across from a Jamaican nightclub-The Jungle. The Jungle ROCKS a few nights a week from about 10-5am. The music is so loud it sounds like its in your room. While the club is open, the streets sound like the Daytona 500. Cars peeling out, racing, beeping. One night, I heard gun shots. I was terrrified to sleep every night at this dump.
Food: GROSS and expensive. The cook in the kitchen acts like she wants to murder you when you place an order. Then your food may come within two hours if you are lucky. The only thing I would eat there is the fruit plate. Good luck getting a drink.....sometimes the bartender is gone and good luck on getting a cold beer. If you order a frozen drink , the straw is guaranteed to have a hole in it. There is no entertainment or nightlife at this place.
The beach had about 10 of the most uncomfortable, broken down chairs I have ever seen! They had holes in them and it was like laying on a screen door. Did I meantion that everytime you sat on one the back of the chair hit you in the head. It was very pleasant. I also notices that the beach in front of the "Turd" smelled of pis. When I took walks along the beach, I didn't notice the smell anywhere else.
I couldn't wait to get out of this place and counted the days....I wouldn't go to this place if someone paid me to go.
- Official Description (provided by the hotel):
- Beach cottages in a unique enclave. Totally immersed in nature, intensively landscaped. The cottages can be large or small, simple or deluxe. Whistling Bird offers amenities, several are unique. It's a small family business - an UNhotel, yet we have a pretty full slate of service to offer. We can do food and drink, a simple breakfast or dinner for example. What we really like to do is show off fine dining with our five course meal plan of refined Jamaican dishes. ... more less
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- Also Known As:
- Whistling Bird Hotel Negril
- Whistling Bird Negril