Words cannot describe how bad. Actually they probably can. It started with the surly staff. Now, I have worked in hotels, and I understand that guests can be difficult, but maybe wait until you have had one interaction before acting pissed off; and as a general tip the first words out of your mouth shouldn't be "Passport". It's vacation though - brush it off and stay in the spirit - and what better way to do that than to freshen up than with a hot cold hot cold hot cold shower in a delaminating tub with a moldy curtain before stubbing your toe in the unlit hallway on the way to the beach that lies across a busy road. After a cool drink or two on the beach all seems right again, and why shouldn't it? Well, that would be because of the crap I trod in on my balcony - not sure if it was a giant mouse or an eagle, but it was not butterfly droppings. So why not sit on the lumpy bed to clean it off while watching the TV...oh wait that doesn't work. Breakfast the next day was adequate - usual hotel fare. The pools are decent, but this isn't the Four Seasons even though the prices at the pool restaurant and bar would lead you to believe otherwise. After two days that seemed implausibly long - much like the cracks in the bedroom walls, it was time to check out. Well, that was my rookie mistake. Instead it was time to spend 45 minutes telling the aforementioned surly front desk staff that I had not spent $180 on 2 bottles of bad wine. Would they believe me? Hell, no. That was until (at the fifth time of asking) they finally found the signed receipt with the name of another guest on it. They gushed apologies. NOT. Instead they levied a 7% service charge for the bottle of water from the minibar that I opened and poured mself and cooled with the ice that was also a line item. I nearly fell down the 4 concrete steps (with 2 giant chickens at the top that are stuck randomly in a grass lawn outside) with surprise. Oh and the fluffy bunny rabbits that are all over the lawns attack children. Well, OK that last sentence was not true. If you can't read between the lines: DO NOT STAY HERE.