How you know you are from New Orleans. Everyone of these is so true.
Your sunglasses fog up when you step outside.
No matter where else you go in the world, you are
always disappointed in the food.
Your loved one dies and you book a jazz band before
you call the coroner.
You die of cirrhosis of the liver and your death
certificate reads "Natural Causes."
You think the breeze from a flying roach feels good on
a hot summer night.
Your accent sounds nothing like Harry Connick, Jr's.
Or Dennis Quaid's.
You can sing these jingles by heart:
"Rosenberg's, Rosenberg's, 1825 Tulane;"
"At the beach, at the beach, at Pontchartrain Beach..."
You were a high school graduate before you realized
that Catholic and Public were not two major religions.
Your baby's first words are "long beads."
You ask, "How they running?" and "Are they fat?" but,
you're inquiring about seafood quality and not the
Crescent City Classic.
When a hurricane was imminent, you had a lot more
faith in Nash Roberts than some Super Doppler 6000.
Your town is low on the education chart, high on the
obesity chart and you don't care because you're No. 1
on the party chart.
Nothing shocks you. Period. Ever.
Your one-martini lunch becomes a five-Bloody Mary
afternoon -- and you keep your job.
Being in a jam at Tulane and Broad isn't the same as
being stuck in traffic.
You're walking in the French Quarter with a plastic
cup of beer; when it starts to rain, you cover your
beer instead of your head.
Your idea of health food is a baked potato instead of
fries with your seafood platter.
You have to take your coffee with chicory and favorite coffeemaker with you on a three-day trip.
You exhibit the "doubloon reflex" by stomping runaway
coins with your foot.
You have sno-ball stains on your shoes.
You call tomato sauce "red gravy."
Your middle name is your mother's maiden name, or your
father's mother's maiden name, or your mother's
mother's maiden name, or your grandmother's mother's
maiden name, or your grandfather's mother's maiden
You know you recycled too much newspaper when there
isn't enough for the dinner (or crawfish / crab) table.
You are going through customs and the agent asks you
where you're from and you answer, "Gentilly."
On certain Spring days, Crawfish Monica is your breakfast.
Your house payment is less than your utility bill.
You've done your laundry in a bar.
You push little old ladies out of the way to catch
Mardi Gras throws.
You look forward to being smashed by a Hurricane.
You don't show your "pretties" during Mardi Gras (but
you watch others).
Catching "crabs" makes you smile.
You write "crookedpolitician" as all one word.
You know it's "ask" but you purposely say "ax."
You understand it when someone describes their
favorite color as "K&B purple."
You know how to mispronounce street names correctly.
( Melpomene, Terpsichore, Chartres, etc.)
You know that Tchoupitoulas is a street and not a disease.
You "boo" the mayor on national television.
Beignets are the major cause of your gallstones.
You wear sweaters in October because it ought to be cold.
Someone asks you, "Where y'at?" and you tell them how
You are left behind at an out-of-town bar searching for a "go cup."
You think of potholes as naturally occurring speed bumps.
Your grandparents are called "Maw Maw" and "Paw Paw."
Your Santa Claus rides an alligator and your favorite
Saint is a football player.
You suck heads, eat tail, sing the blues and you
actually know where you got them shoes.
You shake out your shoes before putting them on.
You're afraid to move away because you won't be able
to make Sugar Busters groceries.
You know why you should never, ever swim by the Lake Pontchartrain steps.
You cringe every time you hear an actor with a
Southern or Cajun accent in a "New Orleans-based"
movie or TV show.
You waste more time navigating back streets than you
would if you just sat in traffic.
You still call the Fairmont Hotel the Roosevelt.
You consider garbage cans a legal step to protecting
your parking space on a public street.
You fall asleep to the soothing sounds of four box fans.
You ignore cockroaches because you know the only ones
you could kill are the weak or infirmed, and it would
only serve to strengthen the breed.