What a delightfully rotten fare this place was! When we first arrived, we noticed that the restaurant had 40 tables. Only about 5 tables were in use, including ours. We felt that might have been about 4 tables too many. The waitress came with laminated...menus. Which is good because all too often patrons will frequently use the menus as napkins (why else, why? Did you ever stop to think why the waitress collects the menus before the food is served?) The problem with these menus is that the grade of lamination was too thick and sharp. Not only was I unable to keep My menu opened without it closing on its own, but my friend accidentally sliced his hand nearly severing her middle finger (which was really to the advantage of the restaurant because he already said what he going to do with that middle finger) We ordered the food. The food came out too fast and it was hot. This is South Florida. Nothing else needs to be hot. The pasta however hot it was, was a little bit undercooked. When we complained, the manager came out with a circus monkey on his right shoulder holding a tin cup. He told us that he cooks the pasta one way only but encourages his patrons to make full use of his kitchen if we so chose to cook our food a little more. That was so nice of him. We did just that. And it was such a 'Mentos-like' moment that we even had time to play Angry Birds on their butcher block counter. What a hot mess. We got back to the table. And noticed brand new iron ware. My fork weighed about 5 pounds. All that heavy lifting made me break into a sweat, and as a result, I think my caloric intake was net negative. But not all was perfect. The trouble in parasite began to brew when my friend spotted a cat by the wall. Upon closer inspection, it was a Wolf Cockroach. It must have weighed as much as my fork. This upset my friends wife, who immediately demanded to take her food to the bathroom to eat there. Imagine to our shock and awe when we all learned that eating food in the restaurant bathroom is not permitted. At this point she needed to just go to the bathroom to rinse her como-se-q-llama. And guess what? NO BIDET! What kind of a place was this? All she wanted to do was to rinse down there and maybe do a quick ball wash of her Ben Wahhs. She came out looking a bit apocalyptic but we quickly calmed her down. I got food stuck between my teeth. So annoying. My friend was about to give a large tip, when he discovered that someone had taken his garbage bag, filled with garbage, and threw it out, while we were all looking at my plate of sausage. Those sporty thieves! Overall, I think the lip service was by far the greatest single moment ever. We whole heartedly recommend this place not just to adults but to little children as well. Bon Apetit!More
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