I am writing from the terrace of U Fukiera in Old Town Square, Warsaw, as I come to the end of a most disappointing lunch.
U Fukiera had a Michelin rosette until 2020. I had hoped to find the restaurant straining every sinew to win...back the rosette. But no. My impression today is that standards have collapsed completely. I am feeling not merely dismayed, but downright fleeced.
It may be that the terrace now operates at a lower level of service and comfort than the restaurant does, or that U Fukiera has ceased to take walk-in customers seriously wherever they sit. I am going to guess that the terrace does now have a distinctly lower status: When I went into the restaurant lobby asking for the men's room I was directed outside again, a touch gruffly, to a charmless plastic loo in the basement, accessible by the service stairs.
There was no captain in charge of the terrace to show me to a table, but I interpreted a wave of a waiter's arm to mean that I could choose from the many tables which were empty.
Less forgivably, I was given a food menu and then ignored for fifteen minutes — possibly more, certainly not less — before being offered a drink.
When I asked for white wine I was told that just two white wines were available, a Terrazas Chardonnay and a Cloudy Bay Sauvignon Blanc. When I asked for the Chardonnay, my waiter returned to say that in fact the Chardonnay was not available, it would be Sauvignon Blanc or nothing. So — one supermarket white is served at the oldest, and once the grandest, and by no means the cheapest, restaurant in Warsaw.
My wine was not offered for tasting before the first full glass was poured from the bottle. Quite sensible in a way, for a screw-top bottle from New Zealand, and since it was the only wine available in any case. But it might have been nice to ask first.
My first course today, a borscht, was magnificent. This was posh borscht, shimmering-red beetroot consommé with a minced-beef pastry on the side. Whatever might have been going wrong with front of house, at least someone in the kitchen could still cook.
I suppose I was foolish to order a salad as my main course, but, in my defence, it was a hot day in summer, and it is not unknown for salads to surprise and delight.
This was not such a salad. It was such a salad such as you or I might have thrown together from a trip to the supermarket at which we bought lettuce and kale and avocado and garlic and bacon, took the trouble to pan-fry the bacon and garlic, then threw the results into a deep bowl.
There was nothing to distinguish this salad from any other salad save that it was served without dressing. This may have been intentional. When I said that I would like some oil and vinegar, the result was not that I was offered oil and vinegar, but that the salad was taken away to the kitchen and returned to me a few minutes later generously covered with a dressing which was yellow in colour, thick in texture, and, as dressing, inoffensive.
By now — I am about to ask for my bill — I must have spent something like $80 on erratic food and clumsy service. But I have learned a valuable lesson, which has been more than worth the price of admission.
The lesson is this: When Michelin drops a restaurant, it does so for a reason.
There are 13 restaurants in Warsaw with a current-year Michelin rosette. I am sure I could have eaten better at any one of them, had I not insisted on returning to U Fukiera out of loyalty to meals enjoyed in years gone by when both Michelin and I thought U Fukiera was wonderful.
Has U Fukiera changed hands in the past couple of years? Did I just hit a very bad day? Comments gratefully received.
Dear U Fukiera: I was the solo customer on the terrace, nearing the waiting station, in a battered blue jacket with a yellow backpack. I hope I gave no cause for complaint, despite my inner dismay. Comments gratefully received.More
