Booked at Riva Hotel? Don't happen to be travelling in the three-and-a-half-minutes every second July that Riva Hotel classes as High Season? Don't expect ANYTHING to happen. Now I'm a happy-go-lucky sort of chap. I make the most of my holidays, and I deal with any minor inconveniences in my stride. Go and check my reviews of my last couple of holidays and you'll see what a nice fellow I am. In fact, I've never written poor reviews for anything ever, so I'll leave you to guess just how bad this experience was. Let's start on our arrival, when we first encountered the manager, who we came to know as Meatloaf (because he kept telling me he could do anything for us, but he can't do that - "that" being anything we actually wanted him to do.) Meatloaf had some "wonderful" news for us. Instead of the lovely family room we had carefully selected on our booking, we were instead being "upgraded" to the 4-star wing of the hotel. That meant splitting ourselves across two rooms. Obviously this was far from ideal. We were travelling with our children, and one of the most important things we considered when booking the holiday was the availability of a family room. There's no real difference between the 3 and 4 star wings. They just wanted us in the "4 Star Wing" for their convenience. So we were off to a bad start, but like I say, I can live with stuff like that. We trundled our way around to our rooms and began unpacking in two separate locations. It didn't curb our enthusiasm, and my daughters began excitedly discussing what the animation staff and events would be like. You see, that's the main reason we go on holiday. We'd decided to head to Bulgaria this year - a little further afield than normal - but had carefully selected a hotel that offered an entertainment programme. We take part in everything when we go abroad - the kids are up dancing from the first beat when the animation team arrive; we play the Boules and the Table Tennis, we're in position for Bingo, and we're still there getting snakes wrapped round our necks at the end of the night. That's what we're there for. We'd seen the signs at reception advertising the entertainment, and that had served to ramp the excitement to fever pitch. We unpacked hurriedly and my daughters raced to the poolside. To silence. As we took our sun loungers, and surveyed the scene, the calm was occasionally broken by a bored Zombie staggering off to the bar for yet another drink. "Don't worry," I told my daughters half-heartedly, "It's a Wednesday. It's maybe the Animation Team's afternoon off." When my daughters returned from exploring to tell me that they'd found the animation hut all locked up, with the tools of an animation team's trade scattered messily around the floor, I tired to reassure their disappointed faces, but I was starting to worry. We passed the afternoon quietly, with only the occasional Zombie falling unconscious by the poolside for our entertainment, before heading to dinner. Food at the Riva Hotel is probably on the low side of adequate. I guess if you're not a fussy eater, you won't starve. We didn't. Having finished dinner, we headed to our room to change for whatever was to follow. The post-apocalyptic feel is nicely augmented at night time, by over-zealous power saving lights, which regularly plunge corridors and bathrooms into darkness. By the end of the week, I'd developed an amazing technique for waving a hand in the air whilst having a pee, to stop the lights going out every 1.5 seconds. Changed and ready for action, we headed back, through the intermittently dark corridors towards the bar, to see what was happening. Well, a whole heap of things had happened since we left. All the Zombies had moved from the poolside to the bar to continue drinking heavily. There, they were being thoroughly encouraged by the bar staff in their efforts. Fallen over a table with a family sat at it? Not a problem - have another drink. Thrown up in the corner of the bar? Not a problem - have another drink. Spent the last half hour lying on the bathroom floor unconscious? Not a problem - have another drink. But entertainment of any shape or form? Nope. So I approached the reception desk, and explained my concerns. "Yes! It's a really big problem!" smiled the receptionist. Could I speak to Meatloaf? Nope - he'd left for the day. Well of course, with an environment I couldn't in all consciousness allow my children to be in, we retreated to our room, to be imprisoned there for the evening. One great thing about the week was we all learned a fair amount about how Russian Game Shows work, whilst trapped inside watching the television. The bar area however, simply isn't safe to have your children in. First thing next morning, I went to find Meatloaf. "An Animation programme in June? How absurd?" he queried. I pointed out our previous June and sometimes May holidays, where we'd always found the animation team working away in other resorts. "But never. NEVER," he repeated for emphasis, "in my 25 years working in hotels, have I seen animation in Bulgaria in June. Only in high season." And so because I detest people who lie to me, I went for a walk. I took pictures of the animation teams working at every surrounding hotel in Sunny Beach. I proudly flicked through my camera roll. "Don't lie to me again." I requested. "OK," said Meatloaf. "What can I do to help?" he offered. "I'll do anything." I gave him a list of suggestions. Get the French Boules out. Set the Water Polo Stuff out. Put some music on, so the kids can dance at night. Get someone to run a game of bingo. ANYTHING to stop the boredom. It turned out that Meatloaf could not do any of those things. By the end of the week, he was actively running down corridors and locking himself in his office to avoid me. And so, we passed a week, that we'd all been looking forward to, in boredom. Watching Zombies at the poolside by day, and hiding from their drunken excesses by night. Don't get me wrong - don't avoid the trip to Bulgaria! Sunny Beach is a lovely place, (although I'd hesitate to venture down the strip at night with children). The Bulgarians are generally friendly people. Every other family hotel of a similar class round about looked like it would be a perfectly pleasant place to stay. There might be reasons you'd enjoy Hotel Riva. Perhaps you enjoy drinking cheap alcohol until you vomit and pass out. In which case, you'll fit right in. Maybe you want to spend your evenings running around in a flack-jacket, pretending you're in a Zombie Movie. You'll most likely have fun! If however, you're a family, looking for a fun family holiday, then I'd really, really avoid Riva Hotel. Go literally anywhere else in Sunny Beach. As a final note though, I'll highly recommend one guy. Masterchef who makes the afternoon pizzas really deserves to work for a far better boss. That guy grafts all day with a smile on his face. If any other local hotel managers read this, go and find him and recruit him!…