It’s hard to know where to start as we could talk for hours about the experience we had at this stunning place. But this is going to be a long and thorough review, because this hotel and its potential guests deserve it. OVERVIEW: My partner Sam and I recently came to SATP for 9 nights. During our time in paradise we had to ask ourselves just one question: how on earth is this hotel only rated 4*, when it delivers a clearly exceptional 5* experience? (FYI actually there are different measures for different accrediting bodies which determine the star rating of a hotel, which can mean that something like not having bathtubs in 75% of rooms can knock off a star. The rooms at SATP are gorgeous, unique, and have a multi-shower head walk-in rainfall shower – you won’t miss a bathtub.) ROOMS: I was a little nervous upon booking the hotel that having opted for the most basic room style it might turn out to be a little spartan. But I shouldn’t have worried. If you’re interested in SATP you’re probably not looking for a painted white box with not a bleached molecule out of place. The delight of this place is its character, and the standard rooms are not lacking in that. The dark wood everywhere, stunning balcony views, and fresh flower petals everywhere are enchanting. Our first room unfortunately had a slightly less than heavenly balcony view over the car park, but when we asked to switch we were treated with gracious helpfulness and a choice of options plus baggage being moved over effortlessly – thank you to the lovely Bianka who dealt impeccably with this, she made us feel really valued from the moment of arrival to the moment she waved us off. Practicalities - decent size, beautiful high ceilings, mosquito mesh on all windows and effective air con. Coke, water and Red Stripe in the mini fridge replenished daily – as are the tea and coffee sachets. I’m a light sleeper and was worried about road noise – it’s barely noticeable, just the gentle swish rather than honking and roaring, and honestly could rarely hear it over the air con, birdsong and chirping crickets. Also they fog for mosquitoes every day and you’ll see surprisingly few bugs but you will still get bitten – it’s trees and moisture, it’s only natural! FACILITIES: Small but perfectly formed, the open plan charm of the main hotel ‘body’ gives it a unique air. The pool is not heated which is bracing if it’s cloudy, but in the heat of the day it’s bliss. The swim-up bar is gorgeous and rarely more than half-occupied – you can sit in the shade keeping cool there with a book all day and the fabulous bartenders will keep you well hydrated. Linton was always happy to rustle up the next drink from the cocktail list with a smile, and charming Nadine really had a flair for fresh fruit punches with rum! Yes the hotel is small – which means few people, chill crowd, and no waiting for food, drink or seats. The Blue Coffee Café has a small separate menu of all high-quality coffee (of course) – we so loved the Jiggy Coffee (or as we called it, ‘Rum Jiggly’) that before long the quality-focused staff were sending them over to our table for us to have with breakfast – special shout out to Shannon who quickly remembered exactly how I preferred mine and also was happy to freshen our sports-bottle juice with fizz! The martini bar is cute – quality of the drinks can vary with the staff – but if you’re there to see the legend that is Piano Paul you won’t even notice what you’re drinking. A MASSIVE thank you to the extremely skilled groundsman Lynford whose botanical tour of the grounds was a real highlight – his passion for creating a beautiful and harmonic site is truly inspiring and everywhere you walk you will feel like you are in a dream thanks to the dedication of him and his team. BEACH: We’d thought the ‘beach bar with beers and sandwiches’ was going to be a little kiosk. No way. A temple-esque shaded structure with full bar, shaded tables, and its own kitchen makes the beach a real home-away-from-hotel. Special thanks to the sweet and bubbly Britney who whipped up speciality cocktails in moments; it was a joy to see her smiling face every day, and the rest of the beach team were fantastic. There’s actually more lunch options at the beach – the special saltfish fritters were gorgeous and I really appreciated the beach kitchen crew whipping me up a taster portion so I could check if they were too spicy (they’re not, go for it). Unlike the monstrous mall-like hotels down the beach, when you make the gruelling max two-minute stroll from reception to SATP’s private slice of sandy heaven you’re greeted with pristine sands, loads of lovely natural shade from the carefully tended greenery, and of course a smiling SATP staffer who will introduce themselves warmly then set out loungers and towels for you where you would like. You also get a table and a flag so you can order refreshments to your lounger! There isn’t a cleaner, warmer, softer stretch of paradise on the whole west coast. Oh, and while I didn’t clock who was doing it, huge respect to whoever was keeping the toilets clean. Those BEACH bathrooms that could have been sandy and soggy were spotless all day long, much cleaner than most restaurant loos in London. FOOD: The fooooooood. Oh my. I honestly don’t understand the reviews saying they couldn’t find something to eat (possibly gruel enthusiasts? Still there was porridge…!) Breakfast is a range of exotic fruits, fresh breads, cakes, muffins, cheeses, salmon and such – then hot dishes with staples from sausage and bacon to pancakes and French toast, then various random extras that change daily like curries, roast ham, quesadillas... A smoothie staffer and an awesome egg/omelette station will keep you rushing down every morning – egg-ninja Fitzroy is a gem who makes everything perfectly! Shanica and Claudette always gave lovely service and a warm welcome. Lunch is a small but tasty light menu that can be delivered to you poolside or beachside if you’d like. The dinner buffet is fantastic with tons of choice, the theme changes daily so you won’t eat the same thing two days running. The soups and fresh breads are really tasty, starters and salads always fresh, then minimum 4-5 main dishes along with various veg, potatoes, rice etc. The bbq was amazing but the real standout was the superb tenderloin steak cooked to mouth-watering perfection by the talented Kilroy (I had thirds). A wide variety of cute fresh bite-size desserts too! Lotus Leaf and Chef’s Showcase are lovely and add some more variety to your relaxing schedule but with the same chefs on rotation you’ll enjoy the same fabulous quality as the buffet rather than anything wildly different. Cornelius in particular was a great waiter at dinner, Kim was an attentive sweetheart at our garden gazebo, and an extra special big thanks to wonderful Tameika whose humour, sweetness, attention and charm made her a special standout even among such a service-focused team. She attended to us at the Chef’s Showcase and twigged we weren’t totally loving the martinis we’d brought through from the bar, and unknown to us sent out specially for a couple of her particular recommendations which she brought through to us in the event dining room. Absolutely 5* service. Those people who have made it this far will notice that I’ve used a lot of names in this review. I have genuine issues recalling faces and names and the fact that we remembered so many is a testament to the quality of the staff, who evidently love their jobs and it comes across in their top-notch care. There were so many other memorable acts from staff but just too many to mention here. But this review would not be complete without mentioning a real superstar – Amanda at the concierge, who went to great lengths to help arrange a spectacular private dinner for us to celebrate a special anniversary. Amanda, your efforts, care and attention will always be remembered alongside the breathtaking evening we enjoyed because of you and your team. THANK YOU, and thank you also to everyone who helped make that meal the most beautiful experience that brought us such joy. Right. That’s a lot of words. How to sum this up? Yes there might be the odd faulty shower nozzle or bug in the pool, but if you’re interested in this place you’ve probably noticed it’s treehouses in a forest, not tea at the Ritz. Don’t go here if you want to party hard in a big sterile white box that could be anywhere in the world. Go here if you want to be treated like honoured family, and swoon through each step of each endlessly relaxing day through the stunning grounds like you’re in a dream. Thank you to everyone at SATP for making our holiday exceptional. Respect and love, Charlie and Sam xx…