The hotel itself is really nice, and if you've always wanted to live in a horror movie, then this is the place for you. Teresita, a very religious American woman who runs the hotel along with her rottweiler and 3 cats, will keep you on the verge of eviction as well as fearful that she will break through your room door one night with a chainsaw to murder you where you sleep. She is seemingly nice at first, despite the obvious lack of social skills through little human contact, but will can mutate to a snarling beast at the drop of a pope hat, accusing you of intentionally sabotaging her hotel in one way or another.
If you do find yourself staying at this hotel, here are some survival tips:
1. Say as little as possible and as quietly as possible, because Teresita or one of her cats is probably eavesdropping. Everything she hears will be used against you.
2. Do not allow any of the millions of stray dogs of Costa Rica to follow you back to the hotel. It seems that stray dogs are hell-spawns that desecrate her holy asylum.
3. Bring your own back-up toilet paper. If you forget that Costa Rica's plumbing was designed by kindergarteners and send some toilet paper through the drain, she will steal the roll in your bathroom and pray for Jesus to remove your excretory organs.
- Official Description (provided by the hotel):
- Our large, air conditioned 1 and 2 bedroom suites offer completely equipped kitchens. The hotel and pool are surrounded by lush tropical gardens, and we're close to the beaches, great surfing and lots of other activities. Our large rancho-pavillion is an excellent location for weddings and any other group activities. ... more less
- Reservation Options:
- TripAdvisor is proud to partner with Expedia, Booking.com, Despegar.com and Odigeo so you can book your Teak Pacific Hotel reservations with confidence. We help millions of travelers each month to find the perfect hotel for both vacation and business trips, always with the best discounts and special offers.