If the TV programs on how to improve the hotel/resturant food were only shown on the mainland then I would understand this hotel.
If only customer service was based on how people behaved in the 50's I would understand this hotel.
If only I had a sense of humor, I would like this place.
But back in the 21st century I would only say that you should shop around first. Maybe a tent would be a good place to start.

Oh come on, I survived 4 days here - so am I a medical miracle? No!! Maybe a menu that Gordon Ramsay could improve with a few tweaks - but I didn't have a jippy tummy , maybe a Dyson imported from the mainland may be sound - but what are a few five year old dog hairs and pubes amongst friends? So the chairs sank into the front lawn but hey I'm short - and after the gorgeous Arran whiskey they were easier to extract myself from. Staff were fab - keep smiling guys - I'll come back any day :-)

The only way to keep your sanity in this truly dire hotel is to treat it as a joke and never, ever contemplate returning. It is an unrelentingly dreadful place where the poor standard of the rooms is surpassed only by the dinners which were re-heated from the 1970s.

I stayed in this hotel for a week in early 2006, and it was absolutely terrible. The rooms are cramped and in a poor state of repair. When I went to reception to report that the ceiling leaked I was told that there was nothing they could do and that I should expect that in an old building! I later found out that many other rooms had leaky ceilings, including some of the large dining rooms on the ground floor. Not only is this annoying and unhygienic, but also dangerous, since the ceilings are gradually being weakened by water damage. The swimming pool mentioned on the website and on the sign outside is not useable, but is covered in scum and locked up so guests cannot get to it. Staff were rude and dismissive, and attempted to leave me without food one night, when they claimed that I had not placed an order (which I had).
Drunken locals harassed other members of my party by following them up from the bar to their room, and hotel staff could not be found anywhere to step in and help.
I stayed in a quadruple room, and was given a bunk bed which had clearly been designed for children and which swayed worryingly when the person in the top bunk moved.
The only positive thing about the place is that the food was quite good, but don’t let that fool you into staying, this is a terrible hotel.