We have stayed in many B&Bs: good, bad and indifferent. Cottle's Seafield Cottage belongs in a category of its own: abysmal. Traveler, do not be fooled by any outward signs of charm. The defining characteristic of this B&B is discomfiture.

The first thing you will experience, even before entering, is the ill-kempt yard, where a low branch directly in the path to entry threatens head injury to the unwary. There's a walkway, but you won't want to use it, because it's overgrown with plantings on either side.

We spent a miserable night in our guestroom, the only one with an "ensuite" bath. And what a bathroom it was! The "sunken" tub was in a revolting shade of puce, and was not even level from side to side. It had no overhead light, so closing the curtain left one in darkness. The low-flow shower head (subtract points for cheapness) punished the skin with what felt like tiny needles of water. Another highlight: the basket of cruddy used toiletries, evidently left behind by other guests in their haste to depart.

For air circulation, our three choices were a tiny but remarkably noisy A/C unit, a too-loud ceiling fan and the window. With the latter as our only real option, we were treated to an unending caravan of Narragansett's most childish returning from their evenings of excessive drinking at the waterfront bars a few blocks away. Later, this serenade mingled with the intolerable snoring of the guest in the next room, the only one also occupied that night. To sum up, we lay fitfully in bed until daybreak, when finally, and only due to sheer exhaustion, we managed a brief period of sleep.

Breakfast was ordinary at best, and served on dishes of surpassing fustiness.

Later that morning, in desperation, we located another nearby B&B with a vacancy, and gratefully made our escape. But, not before the proprietor gouged us with a $50 surcharge for our understandable unwillingness to stay a second night.

We don't normally wish ill upon others, but this may be one of the worst B&Bs on the planet. It is surely one that ought to go out of business. We are pleased to do our small part to hasten that eventuality.