Truly a life altering experience, though not in a good way. My wife and I thought we would "beet" all the other vacationers by going someplace different for Memorial Day. We figured the kids could learn a few things and have some time and space to just run around, and we could avoid the usual packed vacation spots. Well, at least I was right about it not being packed.

We were "greeted" by a large goat-man who kept lurching out in front of and beside our station wagon. We were forced to drive about 2 mph the whole extended drive up to the farm. There's 45 minutes I'll never get back. When we got to the main building he darted off the opposite direction, finally tripping over his own feet right in front of the barn. I later learned his name is Mose, but never did figure out what he was doing there. I thought he might be from a local competitor trying to scare visitors away, but I saw Commander Schrute (as we were instructed to call him) tossing some table scraps out the back door and calling his name.

Our initial plans to unpack and relax were halted by a pistol shot and the appearance of Commander Schrute. He made us line up, each give our full names and dates of birth and then had me pay in advance for the full weekend, claiming we got a better deal that way. Well, after payment was made, we got some line about being short-staffed, and my wife ended up cooking dinner while I chopped firewood out back, constantly aware of Mose spying on me from at least 3 different buildings.

Commander Schrute showed Tammy & Dean the proper ways to manually harvest beets and either they really liked it, or he bribed them somehow to pull in a whole acre's worth. I thought I saw Tammy crying but she insisted it was just sweat.

All weekend we had to put up with chores and Commander Schrute's no-nonsense approach to relaxing. Keeping the body active is the best form of relaxation, he said, adding that we are never truly content until we're so exhausted we can't think about anything else.

Well, Commander Schrute, you can bite the big one, pal! My family and I have never been so miserable, and we paid good money to relax and enjoy ourselves. Honestly, besides leaving, which we couldn't do ahead of time because the gasoline was "mysterious drained" from my car (I found the siphoning tube Mose used, but couldn't find our gasoline), the only enjoyment I got from the whole weekend was seeing Commander Schrute have an allergic reaction to my wife's cooking. Actually, it wasn't her cooking, but rather the crushed peanuts I had Dean put in his granola casserole after hearing him give his diet restrictions to my wife. Turns out he wasn't lying.

Take that, Commander Schrute!

I found the farms owner Dwight and his off beat cousin Mose kind and entertaining. This farm was a great location for my friends and I to get away and appreciate the countryside. We learned things we could not have learned if we had not gone here, such as making a table. I especially appreciated this activity because I now hand make tables for doll houses and even made one for the doll house of President Obama's children. This amazing experience and life change would not have been possible or realized without Schrute farms! So thank you!

The caretakers were incredibly kind and generous. Dwight told me and my wife many stories of his grandparents trip to Argentina. the second employee, Mose, was also very friendly and showed us how to make straw puppets and beet ale. we will cherish the pine table that we made there forever. Shrute farms is still wireless, so don't take anything that might need recharging.

From the savory beet fields to the lovingly appointed farmhouse itself, Shrute Farms is Heaven on Earth! I recommend it highly as a fine place, full of culture and bustling with activity. Very romantic, as well!