Never have I experienced such a pretentious place as Victoria and Albert. I knew something was up when I was asked to ensure that I replaced my jacket if I was to visit the restroom, presumably so I wouldn’t offend the other 4 diners in the restaurant.
The problem is that everything to do with the meal has a story whether it is a “little Evian” to begin with that has its own brass holder with a gap so you can in fact see it is Evian or the brown roll that was made by the chef who was a “master baker” and who used a 180 year old recipe handed down from his grandmother.
Initially baffling, this constant dialogue about every item soon becomes hilarious. The highlight has to be the butter (which was unveiled when the famous brown rolls appeared) which had been “churned to ensure a perfect texture and maximum creaminess” – as my partner pointed out much to the amazement of the waiter that it was just as well given that’s how butter is made!
Each course was a dazzling array of colour and action, with your plate looking so busy you had no idea where to begin. I’m no food expert but if it takes longer for the waiter to describe your dish than it does to consume it - I think there’s something wrong!
Anyway 7 courses later and we were pretty full, which couldn’t be said for my wallet with a set menu price excluding drinks and coffee of $150 per person. Even the cup of coffee at the end of the meal had to be different. Out came a coffee maker invented in Queen Victoria’s time that filtered the coffee using a capillary mechanism in a contraption that took up a large proportion of the table – brilliant!
Just before you thought it couldn’t get any worse, out came the after dinner sweets described as a “trifecta of perfection”. The chef who was also then described as a “master chocolatier”, (obviously), had included a chocolate as one of the options in this “trifecta” and had served it with sea salt for “extra hangtime” – it was not worth it.
It’s not all bad, the interior is nice with lots of space for diners, the soufflé and coffee experiences were fascinating, they did go out of their way to meet our dietary requirements and the personalised menus with red rose and breakfast cake are a nice touch. But the problem is that I have no idea if the food was actually worth all that money – I’d be fascinated to see what an experienced chef would think. And in addition it was so quiet I felt embarrassed to talk to my partner in case I break some regulation on the dining code.
If you’re not on a budget or someone else if paying then go, laugh at the pretentiousness and see if you think the food is any good.






