Go back in time at the "Renovated" Sheraton at Cypress Creek! While we do provide you with two Flat-Screen TVs inside your "Gold-Preferred Guest Suite" to make it your "perfect" getaway from home, we lack highly luxurious items such as ice or a bottle opener. Wait no, we do boast one bottle opener, the highly prized luxury in our 100+ room hotel, which is usually tied up on the 6th Floor and is never available. We also have a plethora of ice, well perhaps not ice itself, but we certainly do show-case broken ice machines on every floor, and we fully dedicate ourselves in keeping you healthy and in shape by suggesting that you check every machine from floor 1 to floor 8, to no avail. Our Front Desk personell is very generous and highly trained in effectively making up excuses and responding with "I apologize, but etc etc etc", and we further pride ourselves on our rare, never-before seen at a 3.5 star hotel, yellow-colored tap water. The furniture, taken from a 1990's yard sale allows for plenty of comfort and relaxation. The bathroom, no larger than the closet, is adorned with paint accents throughout. Not only do we offer plenty of toiletries, but the hole in the shower right above your head also comes complimentary, together with a falling-apart shower head. Step out barefoot into the room and walk along the "plush" excrement-filled carpeting over to the door and feel the exquisite touch of the "original-condition" sticky, milky-substance-enhanced Do-Not-Disturb sign. We also pride ourselves in offering valet parking, and should you choose not to valet park and instead leave your car in the dark, shady self-park lot literally separated by a curb from the valet-designated area, you are guaranteed to get a free complimentary deluxe car break-in.
I'll finish my sarcastic review by saying this: Never in my dreams could I have imagined a 3.5 star hotel, let alone a Sheraton, to be like this. The parking lot begs for your car to be either stolen or broken into. And apparently their security naps through the night, because I stayed there with my girlfriend for one night and we came back in the morning to my brand new car with bent body molding and a damaged driver door from someone trying to pry it open. Damage is $500. The "hotel" is literally a million years old, set up like a motel. Essentially you will get a motel room with flat screen TV's and a Sheraton bed. Enjoy if you so please!
We didn't pay much to stay there, but honestly, if you paid me $100/night I would not sleep there again, let alone pay a single dollar. Sleep in your car, you'll be better off and it won't get stolen! It's absolutely unbelievable that Sheraton would allow something like this to still operate. And because of the unbelievable nature of that, I am forever done with Sheraton.













