In an episode of the classic British comedy "Are You Being Served?", Mrs. Slocombe asks Captain Peacock "Just how good is a one-star hotel?" to
which he responds: "Let me put it to you this way: there is no such thing as a naught (zero) star hotel." In all deference to the good Captain, for whom
I have everlasting affection, I think I have found one. The Ramada Limited in Sacramento may qualify as the world's only "zero star" accommodation. Unfortunately,
TripAdvisor won't let me assign zero stars.
From the initial surly encounter at the front desk ("ID and Credit Card"--no hello, no welcome), to the now ubiquitous "We're conserving the planet's resources,
so we don't wash the linens" placards, this so-called hotel excels in poor management and substandard accommodation.
I am accustomed to paying the "Hotwire Penalty" when I book a room through a discount travel service. But when I pay full rack rate (like I did this
time), I expect a little more.
We were assigned a room directly adjacent the freeway, although there were many unoccupied rooms which did not face that tthoroughfare. The noise was
unbearable, but as I generally carry earplugs I accepted this as just part of the experience. The room itself, to paraphrase another line from the same
episode of "Are You Being Served" was "extensively renovated in the early 1970s", in all likelihood by someone who was under the impression that he or she
was decorating a bordello. Replete with purple velvet curtains and an almost matching ceiling border, it looked more like the Mustang Ranch than
a Ramada hotel room.
The bed was apparently constructed of concrete, as opposed to the traditional mattress and box-spring. The blanket had holes in it (not a big
deal, as the temperature of the room was such that no bedclothes could be used anyway). Three old, tired pillows were provided.
The room was clean on the surface, but when I moved the refrigerator stand (searching for the "free internet" Ethernet portal), I found a mound of garbage.
Bath linens were from Costco (I know, because they are the same ones I use in my vacation rentals), but they were clean.
I realize that hotels and motels cannot control the quality or behavior of their guests, and in this economy, every dollar is as green as every other dollar.
But when I am roused (not awakened, as I didn't sleep) at 5:50AM by the slamming of doors and someone yelling "What the ##ck" in the parking lot,
I get a little bit testy.
Upon checkout, the demeanor of the front desk staff was unchanged from the night before. When was a simple "Good Morning--how was everything?" removed
from the lexicon? I also learned that this Motor Hotel actually charges for parking, which I found a little strange. It is, after all, mostly parking lot
and more Motor than Hotel.
Would I recommend this hotel to a friend or family member? To borrow a phrase from yet another English Comedy (this time the venerable Fawlty Towers)."I
wouldn't board my dog there".
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