Ok, so, honestly, this place isn't a 1. I'm just giving it that because there is NO WAY it is a 5, and someone has to balance out the Internet crazies. A 5?! Seriously? You people are nuts.
So: the good. The grounds are nice, albeit a little old and in need of maintenance. The people that we met in staff seemed pleasant enough.
The bad: the place is deserted. It's really, really weird. You arrive and park and there are no cars. No other guests are there. The grounds are empty. There are a few staff people there, but it was kind of like the shining.
We checked in and the staff showed us to our room... The first one, and maybe the only one with furniture? Who is to say? The sidewalk was roped off past out room, so presumably no one needed to walk there.
We enter the room and it seemed ok, mostly clean, with curtains and a bedspread that probably should have been replaced in the mid 80s. On the wall above our bed was a piece of art with ... A dead woman? Maybe? Staring at us with saggy breasts and a little angel face stuck to the side of her head.
(though we were told that we could purchase this piece, if we wanted. fyi.)
There was no phone. The wifi was down. It started raining, and as soon as it was dark the place was completely deserted. To be honest, if we hadn't had a car, I don't think my wife and I would have felt safe there.
The bathroom was recently updated, and it was nice enough. There was a giant bug in the sink when I went in let at night, which was odd because I hadn't seen a bug like this before, but he seemed peaceful enough. He didn't try to bite me.
The air conditioner was nuts. It would cycle on and off all night, blowing incredibly cold air for about 30 seconds and then cycling down, noisily. But it did, in fact, keep the room cold.
The next morning, we went to breakfast. No one else was there, except one staff member who we asked to clean off the table, to which he replied "it's hard to keep it clean, with all the bugs and animals that live in this roof". Probably true, but would prefer not to be told.
Pool seemed fine, didn't use it. Grounds were nicely kept.
Overall the experience was just weird. It seemed like an old, abandoned hotel that someone had bought and was allowing people to rent out, but they didn't really want to run a hotel. So they just rent rooms out occasionally, and hope for the best. I feel like the place could be actually nice, but it would require some updating and attention.