Why, oh why, did we stay here?
We stayed at the Fifth Season in Amarillo, TX, because it looked decent.
DO NOT STAY HERE!
Upon arrival in the parking lot, we decided that if we had an outside-facing room we would pay for an upgrade, or just find somewhere else to stay. Going inside to check in, the hotel lobby looked nice, but it stank of chlorine - lots of chlorine. The sound of screaming children echoed through the atrium. We wrote off the idea of getting into the pool. We also wrote off the idea of peace and quiet, 'cause the little water creatures were screaming up and down the hallways until well after 11:30PM.
We checked in, and got an interior-facing room on the third floor. Hooray! No meth-lab-esque rooms at the back of the hotel for us! The desk clerk gave us two vouchers for a hot breakfast - which should have been a tipoff. Even at really expensive hotels, they just ask you to show your room key or have you write your room # on the bill.
We decided for the first time since we hit the road that we would unload the entire contents of the car, instead of just the expensive and sentimental stuff. Why? Well, the parking lot looked a little…drug addict-y™. And we’re from the Los Angeles area. We know what drug addict-y™ looks like.
We took the old bellhop’s cart out to the car, and loaded it up. One of the wheels was terribly bent, and keeping the thing going straight was a trial. And at one point an epic fail as the thing careened into the hood of our car.
Finally, with the wonky "cart" all packed up, we headed for the glass elevator. Ooh, fun! Yeah, no. The elevators here were REALLY slow, and the doors took forever to close. There was no "Door Close" button. There was also a weird kid sitting on the floor of the elevator, eating, and staring at the doors (WTF? Kids these days...) when the doors opened. He finally got up, and shambled towards the stanky pool area after a while, but it was still weird...and it reminded us to catch the Walking Dead this week.
Now for the room. The ceiling are low. We moved from a house where the tallest ceiling, thanks to Depressions-era construction, was 7’10”, so if a ceiling feels low to us, it’s low. We could both reach it from the floor. Also, one of the queen-sized beds was sagging badly. Inspection in the morning revealed that the box frame was splintered in the middle.
The bathroom features new granite tile, which is ice-rink fun with wet feet. No floor towels were provided, but plenty of other towels were there.
There was no room service menu, nor did the phone have a dial tone when you lifted the receiver. We were on the third floor, so we thought we would get some fresh air (when we arrived, the room smelled of stale perfume). The window was broken, and unless you propped it open with a plastic ice bucket, it would slam shut. Now we know how it got cracked.
There was a hole in the wall next to one of the beds (the one that wasn’t sagging). There was a patched hole in the door of the bathroom. Any repairman worth their salt should be able to patch both of these quickly, without leaving much visible remnant of the damage. Not so much in this hotel - looked like someone needed to get to that bathroom BADLY. Maybe it was the continental breakfast.
Something that apparently bothered us both enough that we had bad dreams about it - there are no clocks in these rooms. No alarm clock. No wall clock. No clock on the television or phone. Nothing. It's like they don't want you to know how much of your life is ticking away in this hellhole.
Oh, yeah, and bonus points for the mirror positioned so that you have wiz-cam™ as you sit on the toilet - what a view!
Extra bonus points for the large number of beer guts and cowboy hats that stared you down as you walked through the atrium.
Would I stay here again?
There are no good rooms. Run away from this place while you still can!
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This review is the subjective opinion of a TripAdvisor member and not of TripAdvisor LLC.