This has to be the worst place I have ever stayed in my life. Where to begin.... First, the employees (with the exception of the cleaning staff) are the most incredibly rude people I have ever encountered in my life. They could care less about you as a guest and whether or not you are enjoying your stay. God forbid you ask them for anything. When I asked for remote, the large lady at the front desk acted as though I was asking a huge favor. Plus, it was apparently my fault that didn't work.
The women behind the bar are just plain nasty and obviously hate their lives and everyone else. Talk about disgusting human beings. Every time you asked them for something, it was as if you were asking them to give up their newborn child. Even though it was NEVER busy, they would frown and sigh if they had to get off their large butts to serve you some water or anything else.
The old lady that barks at you and asks your room number in the slop hall was real treat. Forget about pleasantries with her. You better give her your room number or she will yell at you. I'm not joking.
If another person's review says anything about the staff being friendly, it is probably because they were just released from prison or it is a friend of the owner. Which brings me to the food....
Do you want a piece of white bread, runny eggs, half a slice of bologna and a slice of cheese single (in plastic)? If so, Hotel Tiuna is your place. Please don't ask for a whole slice of bologna or you will receive the stink eye.
Lunch and dinner are what I would imagine is served in prison on a daily basis. It consists of rice, one can of peas (portioned out to serve 100+ people) and some sort of mystery meat. Also, they serve the same soup (warm if you are lucky) for lunch and dinner everyday. Sometimes you can find a carrot in it (also from a can). Yummy!! Enjoy that small carrot, as that will be your only vegetable for your stay. Your options for drinks during Breakfast, lunch and dinner are watered down sugar water with food coloring OR watered down sugar water with food coloring. They call it "juice." There is nasty coffee for breakfast, sometimes.
Some reviews suggested that the "snack" offered by the hotel was decent. If you think a week old pastry with no taste is "decent," more power to you.
The bar is terrible as well. They do have soft drinks, but they are all flat as a result of the bartender not putting the cap on the 1.5 liter bottle tight (or the fact that it has been sitting there for a year or more). The lady behind the bar will not be amused if you ask for a "gaseosa con gas." Ask for a Brittania (soda water) as it is from a bottle and actually has bubbles.
As for the hotel facilities...The pool is tiny and resembles a petri dish of disease and urine (I still can't believe some people actually chose to use it) The air conditioner in the room does not work. The TV has maybe 5 scrambled channels and the remote doesn't work. There is mold everywhere. The bed sheets don't come close to fitting the bed (so you are sleeping on top of a dirty mattress). I'm not sure what "completely remodeled" means on their website, but they obviously have a very loose definition.
Do yourself a favor and don't stay here. Sure it is a cheaper of option, but still too expensive. I WOULD be happy with the place if I only paid $20/night. It is gross and disgusting and the people are miserable. I actually feel bad for them in some respects.
And to top off everything about this place, I now have a horrible case of stomach cramps and diarrhea. Truly an all-inclusive experience!!
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- Also Known As:
- Tiuna Hotel San Andres Island