Okay, my wife and I just got back from a week at Club Med Luxour.
Before I go any further, I'd just like to point out that we were there on a 'special deal' thanks to the nature of what my wife does for a living, which is why the 'Value' rating is so high.
Anyhoo, we got there pretty late on our first night because we travelled from Cyprus to Cairo, Luxor and then on to the Bella Donna. After entering through the high security metal detector - which bleeped alarmingly every time anyone went through it - we were made very welcome by the chap on reception who gave us a local fruit drink, the appropriate key and then announced that the bar was about to close, (the only time it was open until 1am the whole time we were there). So, having hastily procured some refreshment we were shown to our room, via the scenic route, dumped our bags and sat outside for a while enjoying the calm surroundings and the cool night air.
It has to said, the room was very nice (for the two of us), clean, cool, everything worked and suited us just fine. One advantage of it's position meant that as soon as our very friendly waiter Mohammed worked out our movements and habits, we didn't even have to order anything anymore, he just brought coffee when he saw us appear in the morning, mint tea in the afternoon and something a little stronger in the evening - Cool eh?!.
Speaking of 'something a little stronger in the evening', it was a bit difficult getting a steady supply of drink outside the bar area. Most nights there seemed to be only one chap behind the bar and just one waiter, who was a nice fella but seemed to get more infficient as the week went on, and by 11.45 he was calling 'last orders'. I'm not suggesting that we're a pair of drunks but it would have been nice to have been given the option!.
Not being there for the table tennis/water polo/aqua gym or even visiting large edifices, we retired each day to a delightful spot in the gardens overlooking the Nile to monitor the river traffic, drink mint tea and on one occasion enter into lengthy and potracted negotiations for a trip on a Felouka. This I organised to coincide with the setting sun, which was lovely. The bit that wasn't so inspiring was a brief visit to what our slightly shady guide, Mohammed, described as 'an island containing a crocodile farm'. Upon dissembarking the Felouka we quickly realised that what we were visiting was neither an island nor a crocodile farm, it was in fact a small banana plantation at one end of which stood a small concrete and steel re-bar enclosure containing a crocodile about two feet long and completely inanimate. The poor thing was either supremely bored, very uncooperative, made of fibre-glass or dead, we couldn't work out which but a couple of bananas later and my refusal to pay a single cent more for this vastly dissapointing excursion we boarded the Felouka and headed back to the pradictability and safety of Club Med.
The first couple of mornings we sampled the breakfast buffet, at which the only hot - or at least in our opinion - edible offerings were fresh scrambled eggs or an omellette, which we quickly tired of and gave up on, choosing instead to lie in until lunch was served.
Lunch, oddly enough, seemed to offer more choice than the dinner buffet and we managed to sustain ourselves quite nicely on various salads, fish, tagines and kebabs etc. But for dinner we did begin to struggle a little to actually find enough of something to fill a plate or indeed a medium sized stomach. At one point I was very tempted to take a bite out of the sculptured butternut squash and down a couple of the hard boiled eggs made to look like baby chicks (of all things) but I suspected the very talented Turkish chef wouldn't be best pleased, so I had another kebab instead.
Here's a tip for you; mention that you've heard of their caramelised bananas 'through the internet' and you'll get a huge plate full!.
On the Friday night we were visited by a group of excellent travelling minstrels, featuring a 3 piece Egytian band (Riq, Doumbek and keyboards), three male Egyptian dancers and a belly dancer (who wasn't great, but she looked nice) who together put on a great, if short lived little show, being a drummer myself the Doumbek player was of particular interest to me, he was brilliant!...made my day. There was no more live entertainment for the rest of the week. I kept getting excited when the word 'Event' appeared on the 'Your week' board, but alas, nothing else happened. On the plus side though, we made it out just before the Karaoke night!.
All-in-all it was a pleasant experience, the staff were friendly (if a little sycofantic at times) and most days outnumbered the guests by about 3 - 1, owing presumably to the duration and frequency of the tours. One girl in particular, Alia, made us feel very much at home - once we'd helped to sort her life out and I'd spoken to her Mother, Fatima - and was very helpful and charming, in fact we're still in touch with her.
If you like coffee, get it from the bar.
Take the walking tour into Luxor, especially at night. In fact, take all the tours.
Don't let anyone say "Bonjour, bon appetite" to you more than 3062 times.
If you take a sail on a Felouka, ignore suggestions that have the words 'crocodile', 'farm' and 'island' in them.
Don't bother putting your towels in the sink as directed because you'll get brand new, lavishly sculptured ones everyday anyway.
Drink lots and lots of water.
This review is the subjective opinion of a TripAdvisor member and not of TripAdvisor LLC.