The next time you are in Amsterdam, you may be tempted to stay at the Jolly Carlton Hotel. Avoid this temptation at all costs! Though the price tag is hefty, at 186 euros for a basic room, you will do better spending your money at any other accommodation; rooms at the Bridge Hotel or Hotel Orlando, for example, are twice the size and only $120 euros per evening. Upon my visit to the Jolly Carlton, I requested a standard non-smoking room away from traffic noise; they put me in a strange L-shaped suite on the E-Floor. Beware the E-Floor, my friends! On the way up to my room, the bellhop described the E-Floor is “a sort of middle floor between floors one and two.” This proved to be an understatement, as the entire E-Floor has a low ceiling exactly like “Floor 12½” in the movie Being John Malkovich. This would have been entertaining, were it not for the fact Room 53 faced the blinking red/white/green lights of an LCD Supply Warehouse across the street, which blared bass-heavy music until late at night, accompanied by the rattling and thumping of streetcars. Speaking of entertainment, check out my photos of Room 53’s bed; it’s some type of roll-away contraption on a pedestal that sticks out from the wall. I guarantee you will be stubbing your toes on it whenever you head for the bathroom. And, oh, the bathroom … we don’t even want to go there. Literally! Moreover, when I complained to the desk staff, they informed me Room 57 was “an upgrade.” I asked to see a different room, but the best they could come up with was a smoking room (drenched in tobacco), when my reservations clearly stated that I am a non-smoker. Speaking of desk staff, to say their attitude was “chilly” would be putting it about 53 degrees too warm—they were abrasive and uncooperative (again, the staff at The Bridge or even the eccentric Hotel Munck are more user-friendly). Upon settling in to my room (if you could call it that), I discovered connecting to the Internet came with a 22 euro price tag attached. That’s 30 bucks just to get on-line … at a hotel that already cost nearly 200! Particularly irritating in light of the fact that getting on-line at most Amsterdam hotels is free. I could spend a lot more time complaining about the Jolly Carlton (trust me), but that would be jolly boring … I’m in Amsterdam, after all, and I have better things to do … but take it from me, there are millions of better choices than this trumped up old tart of a hotel. I knew I was taking a chance when I stayed here, and I won’t be taking that chance again. No siree.