Carlsberg definitely did not do this monolithic termite mound, it`s probably the worst place I`ve ever stayed, most of the staff were alien fugitives, wanted universally for crimes of ignorance and attitude. The foyer had the distinct aroma of chlorine, which tore at my eyes as I checked in, I realised that this was emanating from a large liquid filled hole in the ground not twenty feet away from the desk, referred to as" the hotel pool" .
On entering the room, which was booked as a double, I counted four single beds and a broken sofa bed complete with dirty linen. The kitchen was a cupboard with a sink and two ring hob built in, dirty dishes and cutlery, use at your own risk. The bathroom, well it did contain a bath, but given that I am not a midget, was totally useless. The tiles were cracked,every corner had ingrained sludge, the whole area was reminiscent of a Bradford halal butchers shop I once visited.
As I was dressing, the next morning, it became apparent we were double booked when Senor Cockroach came in from his night on the tiles, tap dancing across the floor looking for the waste food he had left under one of the beds. That night, as I was trying to gain some escape in the form of sleep, I was disturbed further by the loud argument three Scottish inebriates were having 6 floors below, this culminated in one of them beating the large wheelie bin in the street with his fists whilst screaming various obscenities at passers by.
When I woke the next morning, I found three large bites on my left thigh, it must have been friends of the cockroach, angry at my disposal of his food supply, either that or vampire blankets.
This hotel is of the "don't care" attitude that seems to afflict a greater area of Benidorm than most travel agents will admit, symptomatic of the greedy neo-liberalism it has become infected with. Benidorm is dying, it has become a terminally stale cartoon, and this hotel is one of Walt Disneys finest.
