The name’s Trott ..., Charles Trott... well, it might not sound quite as thrilling as Bond’s familiar greeting, but seeing as I was checking in on a ‘For Your Eyes Only’ 007 style break at Brown’s Hotel in Mayfair, I thought it only appropriate to break the ice in time honoured fashion.
Fans of Ian Fleming’s sophisticated secret serviceman may already know that 2008 is the 100th anniversary of the author’s birth. To commemorate the occasion The Imperial War Museum in Lambeth is running a special Ian Fleming exhibition documenting the great man’s life and featuring the fictional world of his legendary hero.
Brown’s hit upon the idea of running a Bond break during which fans could take in the exhibition and experience a little of the glamour and excitement that life in Bond’s fast lane might offer.
Imagine a stay in a luxurious suite at this most elegant of hotels, a chance to sip a classic Bond style Martini shaken for you in the legendary Donovan’s bar and then dinner in the stylish Albemarle restaurant, washed down with a bottle of Dom Perignon and a cultural excursion to The War Museum to gen up on your, I mean Bond’s, creator.
And yes, it really is as good as it sounds!
The hotel, now part of the Rocco Forte Collection was opened in 1837 by Lord Byron’s butler, James Brown and his wife, Lady Byron’s maid. The story that follows is amazing, Alexander Graham Bell made the first ever telephone call there in 1876, in 1871 Napoleon III and Empress Eugenie were guests and in 1886 Theodore Roosevelt stayed there. Rudyard Kipling was a regular guest, penning the Jungle Book during one stay and Queen Victoria used to pop in for tea of an afternoon. Franklin Roosevelt honeymooned in the royal suite in 1905 and both Heile Selassi of Ethiopia and King Zog of Albania sought refuge there while Mussolini was ransacking their respective countries. Agatha Christie stayed many times and based her book, At Bertram’s Hotel on it and in 2003 Sir Rocco Forte bought it and organised a £24 million renovation.
Today it is an impressive combination of historic elegance and contemporary modern style. The entrance and reception are discrete and unassuming, but the rooms, designed by Sir Rocco’s sister Olga Polizzi, have real wow factor.
Huge beds, soft egyptian linen, silk cushions and angora throws, comfortable couches and sumptuous drapes plus the kind of hi-tech features Bond would have insisted on: widescreen TV with built in computer, music system and ipod dock. Our bathroom was fabulous, all limestone and mosaic with a shower large enough to battle Jaws in and a bath suitable for several Bond babes at once!
To unwind from the last mission it only seemed sensible to book a relaxing massage in the hotel’s small spa. There’s nothing as crass as a jacuzzi here, just three stylish treatment rooms, one a double in which you can be pampered alongside a friend or partner, and the most obliging and able of staff. The massage by Shareen was just the best I have ever experienced.
Back in the room there were complimentary macaroons to sample - mmm, delicious and time to peruse the walk-in wardrobe where my selection of evening attire had been thoughtfully arranged for me. Actually I only had the one outfit, but fortunately the hotel is not at all stuffy and a smart shirt is dressy enough for dinner.
It was time to pop downstairs to Donovan’s bar for a Bond style apéritif, Martinis of course, shaken not stirred. My Vesper vodka and vermouth cocktail was very dry and extremely potent, while Amanda’s Casino Royal mixed in champagne and fresh raspberry to add a fruity zest.
Dinner in the Albemarle was amazing, half a dozen Duchy oysters, chicken livers on toast, treacle cured salmon, roasted scallops with hedgerow garlic, a juicy hanger steak, treacle tart with clotted cream and ginger parkin with vanilla icecream, superb. All delicious, perfectly cooked and presented from the new menu, overseen by Director of Food, Mark Hix. Sadly the Dom Perignon was a little over our budget, but I’m sure Bond would have appreciated the sparkling Italian Prosecco chosen as an alternative. Service was perfect, attentive and friendly and the interesting collection of huge photographs by Hubertus von Hohenlohe (perfect Bond villain name) were an interesting contrast to the vaulted ceiling, wood panelling and elegant green banquettes of the Albemarle.
The evening was still youngish and a short after-dinner stroll led us to Heddon Street and the chilly repose of the Absolut Icebar. This is the ultimate concept bar, donning a fur trimmed cloak patrons step into below zero temperatures to drink vodka out of glasses made of ice. It sounds Bondish, but after ten minutes I’d lost all feeling in my lips and was dribbling sticky cocktails down my chin. It was a similar state to Daniel Craig in Casino Royal, but he had been poisoned at the time!
The next morning a spectacular Brown’s breakfast fortified us for our trip to the War museum and we headed across the river to Lambeth. The imposing museum is surprisingly interesting and engaging, with lots of hands on exhibits to show how frighteningly destructive mankind can be.
The Fleming exhibition investigates the author’s life, shows how his wartime experiences informed the Bond plots and gives a chance to examine some classic items of Bond memorabilia. It’s a must for 007 fans.
Sadly for me though, it was the final chapter in my Bond experience. My mission was a great success and I now know that Brown’s is well and truly licenced to thrill. The ‘For your Eyes Only’ package is a fabulous idea and back in the real world, I can console myself with the thought that perhaps I will one day return to do it all again, after all, Fleming himself said, you only live twice!

Factbox: Brown’s Ian Fleming Centenary package includes:
l Overnight accommodation in a luxurious room or suite l Full English breakfast (which is reputed to be Bond’s favourite meal of the day) l Two tickets to “For Your Eyes Only: Ian Fleming and James Bond”; the new exhibition at the Imperial War Museum London (subject to availability). l Two Bond cocktails in The Donovan Bar l An exclusive, hardback copy of Ian Fleming’s Casino Royale l Guests can also make use of The Spa.
The Ian Fleming Centenary package starts from £315 per night, excluding VAT and is available for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights until 28 December 2008, subject to availability. For further information or to make a reservation please call [-]

I been only for one night in tis Hotel but i think is a very very good place to stay in london. The location is fantastic , just few minutes walk from bond street. My room a Junior Suite was very very nice, a big bed, 3 windows, tv plasma, stereo, minibar, AC, a big bathroom with walk in shower and bathube, big living area.
In the room Champagne, fresh cake and flowers.
The tea room is just lovely and my first afternoon tea in London is the nest i never try.
Ok the Hotel is very very expensive but this is London.......

Stayed at the Browns for one night in May.The front desk was very efficient and helpful.I had a very large and spacious room.
I don't find the bathrooms very 5 star.Somehow the shower and floor looked very used.The bed is definitely one of the most comfortable ones I have slept in.Great quilt.
Overall a good but expensive experience.

MOLD IN THE SHOWERS!!!

Need I say more?

I used to love this hotel, but post renovation is just a complete flop. Browns used to have charm now all they have, are bad post modern semi comfortable rooms. It is rather unfortunate as this used to be a regular stop for me, but now I will be looking at alternative hotels for my stays in London.

If you're looking for a well situated luxury hotel, you have found it. If you're looking for a well priced luxury hotel that is appealing to the eye as well this is the wrong place for you.