The colourful brochure looked so grand, we all got so excited
But when we got to Cooper's Beach, we were less than delighted.
The caravan was cramped and small, and lots of things were missing,
A holiday romance was out - there wasn't room to kiss in.
"Relaxing Programme of Events", I really should have known
Meant just us four sat in the bar, drink-less, and alone.
And when the bar staff did arrive, excitement soon passed by,
It seem the wine confounded them; which medium? Which dry?
The only food available, was from the Takeaway,
But all that grease required a price my thighs just could not pay.
But as this place was largely closed, I found it easy to diet -
And with arcades bereft of staff, the kids just all ran riot!
Babes of thirteen played the slots; unwatched they gambled free,
Two boys tipped up one hapless game for every last 2p.
"Plenty of Facilities" were promised on arrival,
But only trips away from camp ensured mental survival.
The tiny shop was poorly stocked, the prices astronomical,
But as the door was often locked, it turned out economical.
Don't get me wrong, the kids had fun, but Cooper's Beach again?
With British Holidays as they stand, next year we'll go to Spain.
- Also Known As:
- Coopers Beach Holiday Park - Park Hotel Mersea Island
- Coopers Beach Holiday Park - Park Resorts Mersea Island, Essex