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“English” 3 of 5 stars
Review of Pirate Assault

Pirate Assault
Fat Tuesday dock (Playa Tortugas), Cancun, Mexico
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Ranked #189 of 263 Activities in Cancun
Type: Dinner Theaters, Boat Tours, Sightseeing Tours
Attraction details
1 review
5 helpful votes 5 helpful votes
“English”
3 of 5 stars Reviewed April 11, 2013 via mobile

For all of you complaing about English not being the best on the cruise....you are in Mexico! If you want 100% English stay in the States!

Visited May 2012
Was this review helpful? Yes 5
This review is the subjective opinion of a TripAdvisor member and not of TripAdvisor LLC.
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27 reviews from our community

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Date | Rating
  • English first
  • Portuguese first
  • Spanish first
  • Any
English first
1 review
1 helpful vote 1 helpful vote
“Best night of my life!”
5 of 5 stars Reviewed March 11, 2013 via mobile

This is the funnest crew you will ever meet. They were funny, nice, great with kids, and always making sure you have drinks or whatever else you need. It is like a responsible party, the humor that might be deemed inappropriate was way over the heads of the kids there. The captain spoke more in Spanish than in English but made sure everyone knew what was going on at all times. Plus many people could translate. You make new friends and have a good time playing games and getting kidnapped by other pirate crews ;) yes they do ask for tips but a lot of it goes to the Red Cross and the rest is split up amongst the whole entire crew. They made us feel right at home and kept the party going, it was overall an amazing night <3

Was this review helpful? Yes 1
This review is the subjective opinion of a TripAdvisor member and not of TripAdvisor LLC.
Kentucky
Senior Reviewer
6 reviews 6 reviews
Reviews in 6 cities Reviews in 6 cities
22 helpful votes 22 helpful votes
“If you're not under the age of 30 and fluent in Spanish, skip this tour”
1 of 5 stars Reviewed November 19, 2012

My wife and I booked this tour because a year ago we had taken the "Pirates of the Bay" tour in Puerto Villarta, Mexico and assumed this would be similar (wrong). By way of contrast, the "Pirates of the Bay" cruise was on a replica pirate ship which sailed out into the Bay of Banderas. On that cruise there was a little audience interaction at the beginning to get everyone "loosened up". The rest of the cruise was a very entertaining show involving a mutiny by some of the pirates. The entire pirate crew were great actors/athletes who swang from the yard arms on ropes, performed fantastic sword fights and were even forced to "walk the plank" and pushed overboard into the dark pacific ocean (we didn't know there was a trailing boat to pick them up). The performance was hilarious and spoken in both English and Spanish equally. All of the pirates had spoken lines and were great with their jokes. There was even a comedic "drunken pirate". There was a fireworks show when the ship was "attacked" by the mutineers. You had your own personal pirate to make sure your drink was always full. The fantastic dinner was shrimp and pasta served on board.

In comparison, the Pirate Assault cruise was pathetic. We were picked up at our resort and delivered to the Playa Tortugas marina a full hour before the cruise. Playa Tortugas marina is a shoddy dump with many closed down stores. We were encouraged several times to buy drinks from their cash bar (which had several large "tip jars" prominently displayed). The cruise departed long after the sun had set so there was no beautiful sun set to watch. The pirate crew consisted of a "captain" who was sort of a stand up comic and his crew of helpers who did nothing more than try to get you drunk and then make you dance or clap your hands or otherwise make a fool of yourself for the entertainment of the rest of the passengers. Approximately 80% of the passengers were spanish speaking and so about 80% of everything the captain said was in spanish. If you only spoke english, you were left bewildered as to what was going on - at least until one of the pirate helpers demanded you get up and get in the conga line to dance around the deck! While all of this was going on, music was blaring at an unbelieveable decibel level - gotta get that alcohol moving through your system so you'll entertain the rest of the passengers!

When we arrived at Isla Mujares we found the facility there to be even shoddier than Playa Tortugas. We were all directed to a ram shackle stage where we were directed to do disco dancing, line dancing, a scavenger hunt and a relay race among other things - none of which had anything to do with pirates. At this point my wife and I tried to walk away to the beach to get away from the noise and the bedlam but we were summoned back over the P.A. system (they ask you where you are from when the cruise starts and that becomes your name, so it was "Kentucky, get back here" for me). I told my wife if I could swim the 7 miles back to Cancun and grab a cab to the resort I would do so. I tried to hide in the restroom and discovered they have an "attendant" at the door who does nothing more than follow you in and point out his tip jar for you. I went to the bar to get a drink and noticed several more tip jars (is there a pattern here?). The main course on the dinner buffet was beef tacos but the side dishes were things like mashed potatoes and cole slaw (strange combo). I will admit the tacos were quite tasty but not exactly high calibre food.

The trip back was more of the same but the "captain" was no where to be seen and the rest of the crew dropped all pretense of trying to say something in english, so we were completely bored. As we were about to dock, the crew came up to each individual passenger and waived a large tip box in their face and asked if we had a tip for the crew. I had had it! It seemed to me that the crew should tip the passengers for supplying all the entertainment! I politely but firmly said no. The pirate looked bewildered that someone would actually turn him down while all the other passengers looked on. As we disembarked and walked down the pier, the pirate holding the tip box called out "Hey Kentucky", shook the box and then said somehting in spanish (probably derogatory).

I would like to point out that my wife and I are no tee-totalers - we like to drink. We also don't mind tipping for good service and we don't mind loud music. But this cruise seemed to have no point except get drunk, make everybody else laugh and give us money! The next time I'm in Puerto Vallarta, I will definitely take the Pirates of the Bay cruise but you couldn't pay me to go on the Pirate Assault again!

Visited November 2012
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This review is the subjective opinion of a TripAdvisor member and not of TripAdvisor LLC.
Scotland
2 reviews
Reviews in 2 cities Reviews in 2 cities
2 helpful votes 2 helpful votes
“Great Entertainment”
4 of 5 stars Reviewed September 20, 2012

We were a bit worried when we arrived at the port before boarding the pirate boat which was really a open top ferry, when. We boarded the experience changed and we realised that it was a show, the actors were really good and got everyone involved in the act,the captain pirate was veryb good and spoke in all languages, we arrived on the island and were attacked by pirates who kidnapped some of the audience. We got of the boat and were taken to the stage area where the real pirate show began. A fantastic dance show with lots of audience participation, we were given great food and plenty to drink, the crew were amazing and had everyone involved, a truley great night out.

Visited September 2012
Was this review helpful? Yes 2
This review is the subjective opinion of a TripAdvisor member and not of TripAdvisor LLC.
Chicago, Illinois
Senior Contributor
44 reviews 44 reviews
11 attraction reviews
Reviews in 19 cities Reviews in 19 cities
35 helpful votes 35 helpful votes
“Not what I expected...more for kids”
3 of 5 stars Reviewed August 10, 2012

I was kind of dissapointed on this cruise. I didn't realize that this is a legit pirate show. I really went to see the water, drink, drink and drink with a little pirate but this is an official pirate show. Because of the language barrier I couldn't understand much of what he was saying but the staff was really nice. If you are into pirates this is the cruise for you! Oh, and it's pretty long too about 4 hours.

Visited July 2012
Was this review helpful? Yes 1
This review is the subjective opinion of a TripAdvisor member and not of TripAdvisor LLC.

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