My fellow trippy and two of our closest friends stayed here for three nights in November 2013. If it isn’t for the fact that we all enjoy each other’s company far more than we do complaining about hotel service, it might have been a total disaster. However for the more discerning traveller, here is a handy list of “don’ts” for your consideration…
1. Don’t expect a warm welcome. The reception desk is so cleverly designed that whatever your angle of approach, the numerous receptionists can perform voltes-face at a speed that would make Darcy Bussell breathless. Note – this also applies on check out.
2. Don’t expect the boys to be recognised as anything other than sexual predators if they arrive a day later than the girls. Similarly don’t expect the matching names on your passport and booking forms to provide any mitigating evidence in your defence.
3. Don’t expect your in-room dining order to be delivered either accurately or on time. Also don’t expect food that has already been delivered to remain under your control – the room next door might just have ordered a few minutes before you did. It is your responsibility to monitor this and allow a suitable amount of time to elapse before any consumption begins.
4. Don’t expect any complaint to be taken too seriously. In the unlikely event that you do receive an apologetic gesture, please don’t be surprised that the two tiny contrite chocolates slid into the Asti Spumante ice bucket. Nobody ever had to leave them in a Sala room before now.
5. Don’t order a bottle of Absolut vodka from room service. Instead you may receive Smirnoff and will be asked to sign for the price of Absolut plus 20 per cent. You probably don’t know the difference anyway if you have the audacity to drink in your villa after 11pm.
6. Don’t expect four sunbeds to be prepared if you are in a two bedroomed villa for four people. Only two will ever be made up. The others are down to your own investigative powers/division of labour/need to apologise to partner/promptness to rise in the morning (delete as applicable).
7. Don’t expect all three toilets in the villa to be serviced daily. By the law of averages number one will have number two stains, number two will have number one stains, and number three will spring a high-pressured leak whilst you are preparing for the following day’s sanitary challenges offsite.
8. Don’t expect an army of people to clean a whole villa in record time for the convenience of the paying guests. The most we ever witnessed was one cleaner per day.
9. Don’t eat even a stray peanut from an external table. We witnessed that floor mops and table cloths are one and the same thing at Sala Phuket.
10. Don’t swim in the pool without prior vaccinations or at the very least a penchant for crustacea and plankton.
11. Don’t select items from the bird and/or insect infested buffet unless you have already built up sufficient immunity (see 10. above).
12. Don’t ask to see a General Manager. They don’t come out at night, neither do they employ vampiric duty managers. During daylight hours they apparently attend strategy meetings (possibly preparing their defence for the next Sala Group Board Meeting to avoid closure of this godforsaken corner of the otherwise acceptable empire?)
13. Don’t ask to slide back the gate to open up your seafront view. Unless you happen to be on tour with the New Zealand All Blacks who must have been the last guests to facilitate such delights.
14. Don’t ask for extra towels unless you want them delivered in hermetically sealed bags directly from Bangla Road Laundromat.
15. Don’t pay your bill without checking it first. I realise these days we all pay hotel bills differently – in advance, in arrears, online, with or without a security deposit etc. – but surely the one true record is the responsibility of the hotel itself? The Sala did not have any such record and we would have paid double but for the eagle eyes of one member of our company.
16. Don’t go. It’s pretty awful.
- Also Known As:
- Sala Phuket Resort And Spa
- Sala Phuket Hotel
- Sala Phuket Mai Khao
- Sala Phuket Hotel Mai Khao
- SALA Phuket Resort & Spa Mai Khao
- Official Description (provided by the hotel):
- SALA Phuket Resort and Spa is a stunning deluxe pool villa resort, featuring private swimming pools in 63 out of 79 rooms, villas, and suites.SALA Phuket boutique resort is an impressive compliment to its popular sister property, SALA Samui. SALA Phuket combines rare historical Sino - Portuguese architecture with modern 5-star facilities.Located on pristine Mai Khao beach on Phuket's northwest shoreline, SALA Phuket resort and spa is just 20 minutes from Phuket International Airport. The famous Blue Canyon Golf Course is a short distance from SALA Phuket and the picturesque Phang Nga Bay is located just 25 minutes away.SALA Phuket is the ideal location for a Phuket wedding and honeymoon with its vast and private pristine golden sand beach and lush beachside lawn surrounded by a coconut tree plantation swaying in the wind.In addition to friendly, professional and personalised service, SALA Phuket luxury resort offers facilities including:- 3 large beachfront swimming pools- World class international beachfront restaurant and bar with an air-conditioned dining option- Award winning SALA Spa- Full equipped Gym, Steam Rooms & Salon- Complimentary Wi-Fi Internet connection throughout the entire resort- Gift Shop- Business traveller services- Entertainment and Theme Nights- Nightly Villa Turn down Service- In-Villa Dining- Miles of untouched beach front, the longest and least developed in Phuket- An array of local activities and excursions are availableWeddings at SALA PhuketMarriage is an occasion that should be cherished always. A variety of locations for your ceremony are available, from golden sand beach stretches, lush green lawn expanses or an intimate sunset rooftop vantage. Our personal, intuitive staff will ensure your special occasion receives the attention it deserves. ... more less
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