My husband and I stayed at Jolly Beach from Feb. 24 - March 3. Our swimsuits are probably still damp from our last dip in the ocean yesterday afternoon!

A little about us – we are 32 and 28 respectively. One of us works in investment banking, and the other is an attorney. We have done loads of world travel in our lives, and have stayed primarily, though not exclusively, in 4- and 5-star hotels. We promised each other, and ourselves, before arriving that we would keep our chins up no matter how awful the resort. Below is our story:

Jolly Beach is indisputably a 3-star resort. What that means to me is that it will be safe, clean and have decent staff. Guess what? That's exactly what we found.

Many of the reviewers experienced identical room situations, identical food situations, etc. The difference is how they dealt with it; if you are going to swan around acting bratty in a 3-star resort, you will likely make a fool of yourself and end up with an unhappy stay.

THE BEACH - as others have written, the beach is lovely! Loads of room for everyone without it feeling crowded. Lots of beach chaises, plenty of places in the shade. We did have some vendors approach us, but with a firm no and a smile, none bothered us. The shells on the beach are beautiful, and I very much enjoyed beachcombing. The water is indeed a bit cloudy from the fine sand, but it is very very clean. Each day, that beach looks like something on a postcard.

THE POOLS - while both looked lovely, the big pool was eternally crowded, and the small pool felt like it was in a very busy spot. We did not spend any time there, as we prefer the ocean.

THE GROUNDS - pretty well maintained. Each day we saw people working hard at keeping the place looking nice. I was pleasantly surprised, in fact, as I had been expecting something shabbier from these reviews.

THE BATHROOM - we had a king superior room, and found the loo to be fine. The bathrooms all vent to the outside and are lit by one fluorescent bulb, which is less than ideal. There was plenty of counter space, and the towels were fresh and fluffy each day. There were some inexplicable worn spots in the linoleum and in the tub, but the bathrooms were kept very clean by the housekeeping staff. The fixtures are not gleaming like at home, but at home I also don't have to deal with the corrosive sea air! The bathroom was on the small side, but not at all teeny tiny. I found the water pressure to be quite good, and we never ran out of hot water. I would recommend leaving the bathroom door closed at all times as the AC will keep the bedroom cooler if you are not trying to simultaneously cool the outside.

THE BEDROOM - we were pleased with the size of our room, as well as with a pleasant seating area. We found the bed to be very hard, but that's probably a personal preference. The AC began dripping one day, but maintenance was quite prompt to help. Also, the cleaning staff noticed a couple of small maintenance-related items that we probably would have ignored, but she reported them to maintenance on her own, and we were pleased to have them fixed. We were pleasantly surprised to have TV with cable in our room, even if not every channel came in crystal clear. We would have liked another light by the bed, and an overhead light, but it was no big deal. We had two bureaus plus a large closet with loads of hangars. Our room was also equipped with an ironing board and iron, which was great. On the first night I was able to get everything pressed and hung and I didn't have to do another chore for the rest of the time. Our room also had a small fridge, which was great for keeping snacks and cold drinks handy. The big minus is that the door to the terrace was very very hard to open and close, and by the end of the week my wrist ached from the effort.

Our room was on the ground floor of the older part of the grounds (in Puerto Rico, near the Italian restaurant), and we loved the fact that it was very quiet. We had no problem strolling the 5 minutes to Hemispheres, and on the way back we often took even longer to stroll along the shore. Antigua is not a place to hurry, anyway.

We found the resort to have a very safe feel. We did make use of the safe, and I found the peace of mind to be cheap at the price. While a $20 deposit is required, the actual cost is US$3 per day. Because our valuables were locked away and because our room was on the ground floor, we often used the terrace as a way of going to the beach, rather than walking through the front door and around the building. While it was a bit of laziness on our part, it does point to the fact that we felt safe enough leaving our room unlocked (albeit unobtrusively) for good lengths of time.

THE COMMON AREAS - Some parts were a bit shabby, but each day we saw staff working hard at maintaining and cleaning all public areas.

THE FOOD – we didn’t make it to a single breakfast, but I did hear that they were quite nice. We did eat lunch there each day, and we found it to be quite good, if uninspired. There was a sandwich of the day each day, and I usually ate that. There were fresh salads and a variety of hot entrée options as well as a very decent grill. The beef tasted different to me (which only makes sense, since US cattle presumably eat different food), and while it in no way tasted bad, I preferred to stick to things like chicken. Each day there was also a wide variety of desserts. Drinks are self-serve, which I didn’t mind in the least. The coffee was crap, and I don’t think I’m being unfair in that statement. I thought the house wine was undrinkable, but I could be a bit of a snob in that respect.

The dinners were far far worse. Indeed, we often found them inedible, and miserably ate cheese and crackers and picked at salads when we did not have a reservation elsewhere. We tried to get a reservation at Utsav, the Indian restaurant, but did not have luck in our week there. We did try Lydia’s, the seafood place, for brunch one day, and while we very much enjoyed the steel band, I thought the food was terrible, so we were not tempted to go back for a dinner.

We ate at Bocciolo’s, the Italian restaurant, a couple of times and thought the food was pretty bad. One time we chose from the “pay extra” portion of the menu, and it was underwhelming. The other time we just stuck to that which was part of the package, and found that to be even worse. They do, however, make a really wonderful cappuccino, and their tiramisu was very edible. There is a strict dress code, and we saw many a gentleman turned away because of trainers or jeans or a shirt without a collar. Each of these places tried hard to be nice, and succeeded to a 3-star level.

The wait staff was invariably pleasant, and smiling, and slow, even by Antiguan standards. They did not have fine restaurant training of any sort, and it showed. Nonetheless, there were no terrible errors.

THE BARS – the bar near Hemispheres is cheesy, and while that may sometimes be fun, it was quite tiresome as a rule. They do have a daiquiri/pina colada machine that is self-serve, and I found it to be very fun. Then again, I’m not a big drinker, so I was glad to control my liquor intake. They tend to pour small and strong drinks, and the liquor is absolutely rotgut stuff. But hey, it’s included in the price.

We did not visit the swim-up bar, so I have no opinion. It looked kinda fun, though. The beach bar was not a real hangout, so it was fine for me.

The bar staff was fun and relatively efficient. A few of the gents fancied themselves real ladies men, though, and while a bit laughable, it did get tiresome.

THE ACTIVITIES – we didn’t do any, though they are indeed free, and it didn’t appear to be a long wait for any of them.

OUTSIDE THE RESORT – we did a few excursions on our own, and they were the highlight of the trip. We hired a cab one evening and went to English Harbor. We walked around Nelson’s Dockyard a bit, and then went in for our 7:30 dinner reservation at the Admiral’s Inn. Without a doubt, it was the best food I ate on the island, and by far the nicest ambiance. After dinner, we drove up to Shirley Heights and enjoyed the band for about 30 minutes, but it was the view that I found to be amazing. I highly recommend this itinerary for a Sunday night!!

Another evening we walked across to Jolly Harbor (a footpath connects the two resorts, so it’s a very short walk) and had dinner at the Dogwatch Tavern. It was casual, but great food. We also went over one afternoon, looking for a bookstore. It was very slim pickings! The hardware store also does a book swap, but the pulpy novels were really dismal. I did find one book to tide me over next door, at a store that is also a travel agency, I believe. The sister-shop of the bookstore First Editions is no longer there – it closed a couple of years ago.

On our last night, we went to Coco’s for dinner, just on the headland that one can see from the Jolly Beach. It’s known as one of the most romantic restaurants on the island, and it was wonderful. The food was great, the wine list decent, and a wonderful location and ambiance. As with Jolly Beach, all of the wait staff were very slow, and clearly not schooled in 5-star establishments.

We spent one afternoon walking from Darkwood Beach to Ffreyes Beach to Coco Beach and then back to the resort. I would not recommend walking – the distance was a bit deceiving, and we regretted having walked out without any cash to pay for a bus or a cab. Moreover, the roads are very narrow and windy, and there are no sidewalks. In many places we had to hold our noses against the stench of rotting road kill. Not the occasional skunk or possum like in North America, but dogs and cats and a few goats. Plus, there are no sidewalks, so at moments it was quite unsafe. In the daytime it was still survivable, but in the evenings those close calls could end in tragedy. Really – a few dollars vs. your personal safety is a no-brainer!

We took the shuttle into St. John’s one day, and I was glad to get to a book store (on Redcliffe Quay, a British Bookstore on the second story of a nondescript modern building – big selection. Not worth heading outside of town to look for the much-touted First Editions). The touristy bits were boring to us, so we instead enjoyed a wander through town and a walk through the museum of Antigua and Barbuda, and a long exploration of the stunning Cathedral. One note – it was embarrassing to us to see so many fellow travelers dress in shlumpy shorts and loud t-shirts to visit the town. Antiguans rarely dress as casually, and I found it a tad insensitive to our host country not to dress well wherever I went. Bikinis are for the beach, not for a visit to the country’s capital.

I would advise against renting a car. The roads are terrible, and even experienced drivers would have moments of terror on some of the tight curves on the edge of a steep cliff. The cab fares are not terrible; even our big excursion to English Harbor and Shirley Heights was only US$80 (plus tip).

One other note about Jolly Beach Resort – there is a team of salespeople who are trying to sell timeshares. They will invite you to visit them in the guest services area one evening, and they will give you a complimentary bottle of wine. While you are picking up your bottle, they will try to get you to sign up to tour the timeshare part of the resort. That requires that you sit in their sales bunker for 45 minutes, then view one or two of the timeshare units. In return, they will give you a “free” week at another resort of theirs, for up to 4 people. I happen to know quite a bit about timeshare, plus I was curious about the units, so we went. It was not a high-pressure sales team (in fact, they were quite bad!), so it was easy to say no. Be sure to look at unit 301. It has views of the water from both balconies, plus a Jacuzzi on the terrace. If you have any interest in real estate, you will probably find the tour as big a hoot as I did. FYI – timeshares are available for a fraction of their original sales price via resale firms, so buying a crap timeshare from a crap resort is not a really great investment.

We very much enjoyed our stay at Jolly Beach. While I may not return, I will always remember it fondly. It was the most relaxing vacation of my life, and that means a lot to me.