Hello and welcome to the Temecula Forum!
You don't mention when you are coming into town, but Doffo Winery is going to start a new service next month. There was a recent write up about this winery in the local newspaper - go here for more information:
My experience is that the smaller family owned wineries are better with the 'special touch' that you are looking for - the service usually includes stories from the winemakers about their experiences in the area. When making your reservation, you can ask about a wine making tour. I haven't done one in quite a while so I don't know who's policies have changed. These smaller wineries require reservations and don't allow the big bus tours in on a regular basis.
With the smaller wineries, you usually are being attended to by the owner or its small group of knowledgeable employees - usually family members. Go to the very top right of your screen where you'll find a list of locally owned wineries. I posted some suggestions in there for easy access.
The wine tours usually stick with the large corporate owned wineries - which because of their popularity and promise of a steady stream of tasters, just offer the tasting - their primary goal is to sell the wine which is the function they focus on. Its a pretty mundane experience for my tastes, others like the impersonal touch.
Not all wineries in the valley participate on the www.temeculawines.org site because there is a fee for that service. You can google 'temecula wineries' and come up with a fairly complete list of wineries in the area.
A consistent favorite within TA is Hart Winery. My experience there is exceptional as is their wine. I would stay away from the majors: South Coast, Ponte, Wilson Creek, Callaway, etc, as they do not offer anything other than the generic retail wine tasting experience - which I believe you are trying to avoid. The majors are located along the Rancho California trail.
Try the wineries along the De Portola trail - there's quite a few new ones there that are looking to impress and build a loyal clientele. When businesses are new - they tend to offer that 'special touch' to build loyal clientele.
Do keep in mind that this time of year, the vines are dormant - not much in the way of scenery. Also, if you are planning to come in February - avoid the weekend of 16/17 - that tends to be a busy weekend because of Valentines Day. Also - avoid the 14th as well for the same reason.
Happy tasting and don't forget to designate a DE!