for 4 or 5 nights I would choose either Calistoga or Napa. While all the areas in Napa are wonderful, I ind that either Calistoga or Napa gives you more opportunities to be budget conscious while still having an amazing time. Yountville, while very pleasant, generally means a higher priced vacation.
In November, rates can vary around Thanksgiving holiday as extremely busy, but rest of the month you should be able to get good deals.
Since you are mixed on whether bed or breakfast or hotel, I would recommend checking out two places that I consider to be "in between". The two places - one in Napa and one in Calistoga (and we have stayed at both are )
1) Napa Best Western Elm House Inn - this is an amazing place with warm cookies in the afternoon; a very nice breakfast in the morning; a warm comfortable fire in the fireplace with great seating; a hot tub out door (note: no swimming pool); easy access on and off of I29, (one of the two main winery roads), its also close enough to downtown Napa for restaurants and entertainment - for best nightly entertainment, Napa is your place of all the towns in Napa Valley. They have Uptown Theater and Napa Valley Opera House (a full variety of shows not just opera). and a lot of restaurants. Oxbow Market with their good food, great prices is there - it makes for a great time - but budget friendly. The place is close to the many tasting rooms in downtown Napa, as well as close to the many outstanding restaurants in the Napa area.
In Calistoga we like Europa Inn and Spa - this also has afternoon cookies; breakfast in the morning. It also has a swimming pool; comfortable outside seating; nice rooms; and walking distance to the restaurants in Calistoga. It has on site spa facilities as well. If you want to try a mud bath, calistoga is the place for that.
There are a number of wineries close by to drive to on the days you do not do a tour.
In terms of tours, we usually drive ourselves but you can find more information in other posts or hope someone answers you here.
Yes, there are tons of great places to stay in Napa Valley, so if these are not what you are looking for, I am sure you will find one that will. just give us more what you are looking for.
Edited: 1:41 am, March 17, 2013